And You Can't Breathe
by addictedtoOITNB
Summary: Vauseman. AU. Just a series of little stories about Alex and Piper. Each page is a different story. Switches from Alex and Piper's POV. All reviews and feedback are always welcomed.
1. And You Can't Breathe

**And You Can't Breathe **

**Author's Note**

This is kind of my way of thanking the readers, followers, and reviewers of my other story, _Life_ After, in the only way I know how, which is through writing. The response for _Life After _has been so amazing, and a while back I had mentioned writing another fic, so I did. It is not related to my other fic. I hope you all like it, and please let me know what you think. This just kind of flowed onto the page, and it was so much fun to write in this style, so if you like it, I would love to write something like this, again. It switches between Alex and Piper's point of view, and it says which it is at the beginning of each section. So, this is it, hope you like it.

* * *

><p>Alex<p>

You're at that bar. The bar you visit a lot, and you meet girls who you fuck once and throw away. They don't mean anything; they're just for fun. They're just for fun because you like sex, and it is something you know your good at, and it isn't very hard to get if you know the right things to say. You are thankful that you almost always know the right things to say. Sure they might think more about it than you do, but soon they get the message when you disappear, and you hope to God you don't have to see them ever again. Or if you do happen to see them again that you remember that you already had her, and that you don't try to get her all over again, because that's just embarrassing for the both of you.

And you're sitting in this bar when she walks in. Long blonde hair. Blue eyes that light up this dark, hole in the wall bar, and you can't take your eyes off her. You've found your target for tonight. You smile because you think you'll get lucky. You wait for a few minutes, not wanting to rush anything. You watch as she orders a margarita, which makes you laugh because who the fuck orders a margarita in December? When you feel like you've waited long enough, you get up, walking over to this blonde who is sitting at the bar all alone, sipping on her margarita. You lean against the bar and ask, "It's a little cold for margarita, don't you think?"

She smiles, showing off her perfectly straight and blindingly white smile, and she tells you how much she loves tequila, so you order a couple shots for both of you.

You're thinking it'll loosen her up.

She asks you what your name is, and you tell her that you're Alex Vause. She introduces herself as Piper. Piper Chapman. You like the way it sounds when you say it. Short, sweet, and to the point, you think to yourself.

You do the shots and continue talking to her. She is 23, which is just right for your usual age range of any hot woman, which is 22 to 25. Piper isn't hot though. She is beautiful, and you don't really know what to do with that because you don't think of people as beautiful. They're either hot or not. Yes, it's shallow, but it makes the decision to fuck or not easier, so it's been how you view women for years. But for some reason, you can't place her in the simple category of hot or not, so you keep on talking.

Piper laughs and the sound fills the bar and you smile, placing your hand over her hand, gripping it lightly. The smile gets smaller, and you feel yourself feeling sad. Sad that that smile is gone, and you want it back, so you apologize.

That smile comes back and this time she grabs your hand.

You talk for hours. Life, backstory, work, or in her case, just finishing up college. She is an open book for you, which you like. You find yourself drawn to her, and when she asks for your phone, you immediately hand it over. She puts her number into it, and tells you that she needs to get going, but that she wants you to call her.

You don't even think twice about it before you offer to walk her home, and she accepts, so you gather your belongings, and leave, walking back together.

Every so often your hands touch, and it sends a chill down your spine, and she gives a small smile. The way her blonde hair shines under the streetlights is kind of amazing, and the way she scrunches up her nose when she smiles or laughs makes your heart physically hurt. And her laugh. Her laugh is the most perfect sound that you've ever heard, and you never want to go another day without hearing it.

You get to her door and after a moment of standing there awkwardly, making smooth comments and her smiling and laughing at each one of them, you move in closer to her, and you lean in to give her a kiss and she lets you. She kisses you back, and you stand there, kissing, and you feel her hands grip the lapels of your winter coat. Standing in the cold chill of the New York winter, the kiss is hot and it warms you up, sending fire through your veins. Not wanting to mess this up, you pull away. She is smiling, and you tell her goodnight. She turns and walks into her apartment and you stand there taking in all that just happened. This is the first time all night that you can actually think a complete thought. You walk home down the dark streets and you feel something that you're not really sure exactly what it is. You're not sure because you feel feelings, and Alex Vause does not catch feelings. You know you are doomed when you lay in bed that night, not able to sleep because all you can think about is Piper Chapman.

You check your phone and see that it says that it is 4:30 in the morning, but you can't stop yourself from going through your contacts and finding that name that rolls so well off your tongue and you hit the call button.

You panic for a second, thinking you are rushing and that your about to scare her away and you go to end the call when that voice comes through the other end of the phone and you can't breathe again.

She laughs and asks you if you can't sleep either, and you tell her that you can't stop thinking about tonight. She tells you that she will meet you for lunch at a little restaurant that she loves to go to, and of course you agree. She tells you to get some sleep and she hangs up.

You smile and close your eyes. You're excited and you can't wait for tomorrow.

* * *

><p>Piper<p>

You barely slept last night after that perfect kiss. You've never kissed a woman, but you had no problems kissing Alex, and it was the best damn kiss you've ever had. When your phone went off at 4:30 in the morning, you knew exactly who it was and you couldn't help but answer it as quick as possible, in fear that it would disappear forever and she would be gone with it. You are so happy that she calls, and when you tell her to meet you for lunch, you feel butterflies in your stomach.

You get up and put on a cute outfit, but not too dressed up, just enough to make it look like you aren't trying too hard. You leave early, getting in a cab and a short while later pulling up to the restaurant where you walk in and get a table for two. You are shaky, and nervous, but a good nervous. You watch the door and when you see that tall dark haired woman walk in, your hand shoots up and waves her over. She looks incredible, and you watch every move she makes, and the way her hair moves as she walks, and how her black jeans hug every curve just perfectly.

You stand up and give her a hug, pulling out her chair and she sits, and so do you. You can't hide the smile, and she smiles back at you. You ask her how she slept and she tells you that she didn't, which makes you feel a bit relieved that you weren't the only one excited about their date. It is a date, right? Right? And now you feel a rush of panic that maybe you are looking too far into this. It was one kiss. A damn good kiss, but just a kiss. Your fears are put to rest when she runs her foot up the side of your leg, and you laugh. The waitress comes over and takes your order and you get back to your conversation. You want to know more about her. Those eyes stare into you, and you can't look into them for more than a few moments because you may just have to take her right here right now, so you look down at your hands, which are fidgeting. She must have noticed your fidgeting, and she takes both of your hands and closes hers around them, and she smiles, telling you that its okay, and that you don't have to be nervous. You find out that she is 26, didn't go to college, and that her mother's name is Diane, and that they are very close. You tell her that your parents are divorced. You have 2 brothers, one of which you have nothing to do with, and she asks why, but you tell her that you are just very different people. She doesn't pry a more elaborate answer out of you; she just accepts it, which is refreshing.

Your food comes and you both eat, sharing off of each of your plates, and she laughs at the way you make sound effects when you eat, which makes you blush, but she let's you know that she thinks it is cute, and you blush again. You pay and you both exit the restaurant.

As you walk, she takes your hand, and at first you don't know what to do, but you like the way your fingers fit perfectly together, and you move in closer to her side. You feel her trail her thumb over top of your hand and you hold on as tight as you can. She takes you to an apartment building, and tells you this is where she lives. She invites you up and you agree.

She leads you up the stairs, and you feel safe, and you trust her. She opens the door to a gorgeous apartment with dark hardwood floors, leather furniture, and stainless steel and glass everywhere. You think to yourself that this place is totally Alex, which is strange to think since you only have known her for 12 hours. She takes your coat, and hangs it up. You are drawn to the kitchen and look at how clean and crisp it all is. She offers you a glass of wine, and you say yes and she hands you a glass, which you take a sip of.

She grabs your hand and takes you over to the couch, and tells you to sit, and you do. She sits next to you, turning to face you, and crosses her legs on the couch. She is in her element, and you like seeing her like this. She is so smooth and confident, and you wish you could be like that. You watch her full lips close on the rim of the glass, and you can't take your eyes off them. You slide in closer to her, trying to come off as just getting more comfortable on the couch. She smiles, and you know she can see right through your act. You're feeling feelings that make you nervous. Not nervous because she is a woman, and you've never been with a woman, but nervous because you've never felt things like this for anyone, especially someone you just met 12 hours ago at a bar.

She puts her wine glass down and gets up, walking to the stereo and putting on a song. One that you don't know, but it's nice. It's slow. She turns back to you and smiles, holding out her hand for you. You put your wine glass down and take her hand where she pulls you firm up against her. You feel her hands on your lower back, and your put your hands around her neck, locking your fingers. You both sway to the music, and she tells you about the song, and what is means and you watch as her eyes light up with every verse, and it makes you melt a little bit. You watch her lips again, until the music starts to fade out. You feel her move her hands from your back and she stops dancing. She brings them up to your cheeks, and places her thumbs under your chin and she tilts your face towards her.

There is just a moment when all you do is look at each other and you feel your heart beating a mile a minute. She brings her lips to yours, and it is even better than last night. You tangle your hands in her long dark hair and she kisses you harder. You feel her tongue run over your bottom lip, begging for permission to enter, and you part your lips, letting her explore the confines of your mouth. A small moan escapes from you, and she smiles. You pull away to catch her breath and she asks if you're okay. You nod and look down at the button down shirt she's wearing. You look back at her, grabbing one of the buttons and holding it in your fingertips. Her eyelids flutter a bit and you wait for permission. You don't know what's come over you but you need to have her, right this second. She asks if you're sure and you tell her that you've never been more sure in your life. She nods and you start unbuttoning her shirt as she captures your lips in another searing kiss.

* * *

><p>Alex<p>

You're standing there topless, and your hands are roaming all over the blonde in front of you. She is also topless, and you're biting on her neck. She pants out your name, which sounds almost as amazing as that laugh of hers, and you feel yourself ruin that black pair of panties that you have on, but it is worth it. You stop your assault on her neck and look at her, grabbing her hand and leading her to your bedroom where you ease her back onto the bed. She tangles her hands in your hair as you kiss her collarbones, running your tongue down the slope that it creates. You take her breasts in your hands, and you love how they fit just perfectly. You tease her nipples, and pinch them, eliciting a moan from the woman under you. You smile into her skin, taking your time going over each breast with your mouth, and give them each the attention they deserve. Your hands travel down her toned stomach, and you toy with the waist of her jeans. You look up at her, noticing the thin film of sweat that's covering her skin. You ask for permission and she gives it to you, so you unbutton her jeans, and slide them down before kissing your way up her legs. You admire the cute little lace panties that she is wearing and also notice that they are ruined, which makes you smile just a little. You kiss trails over her flat stomach, raking your fingernails down them, making her throw her head back, You go up to kiss on her neck and nip at her pulse point. She hisses out, and you kiss it again. You whisper in her ear, making sure she is still okay and tell her that if she wants to stop, they can, but she assure you that she wants you to keep going. She tells you in almost a whimper.

You look at her for a moment and ask the question that's been running through your mind. You ask her is she has ever been with a woman before. She is quiet and you let her know that it's okay if she hasn't, you just want to know. She blushes and says no in an innocent voice. You assure her that you are going to make it a memorable experience for the both of them. You sit up on your knees in between her legs, which are moved to each side of you, and you lock eyes with her. You pull the only bit of clothing she has left off, so slow that she can hardly keep still. You pull them off her ankles and toss them to the side of the bed, and then she is laying there, totally exposed in front of your and she is so damn beautiful.

You lean down to kiss her stomach, and kiss a straight line down and then you place one on her mound. You lie down in between her legs and move each to rest on your shoulders. You ask if she's comfortable one last time, and you grab a pillow to put under her. She is there in front of you and you can smell her. You gently kiss her opening, and run your tongue up and down, collecting the wetness that has formed there. You hum at the taste on your lips. It's the best thing you've ever tasted, and you go back for more. You flick your tongue in and out, diving into her entrance, and gently run your teeth over her clit, which makes her jump. She is panting out words that make her sound like she's speaking in tongues, and you take that as a good sign. You bring one hand up and capture her right breast, kneading it. Your other hand moves down to her center, and you insert two fingers making her cry out and writhe under you. You thrust in and out, drawing out more and more, and you can tell she is close. You continue your motions and rub circles over her sensitive nub. You feel her on the edge and you hit that spot deep inside of her and she cries out your name in ecstasy.

You work her down from her high, and eventually pull out, licking your fingers clean, and taking her legs from your shoulders, which are slightly sore form her digging her heals in. You kiss you way up her lips and capture them in a kiss. She still is trying to catch her breath and you lay on your side facing her. You draw figures on her stomach with your fingertip, and she lays there still panting. She eventually rolls on her side to face you. You tell her that she doesn't have to take the plunge just yet if she's not ready. As much as you love sex, you are fine with just giving and not receiving this time, because Piper is different, and you pull her flat against your body. She rests her head on your chest. You play with her blonde hair, and rub her back.

You lay there for what seems like hours before you realize she has fallen asleep and you smile because this feels good. And then you feel scared because you, Alex Vause, do not cuddle and sleep in the same bed with a woman after you have just had sex with them. You usually tell them that you have somewhere to be, and they leave. This cuddling thing doesn't happen, but it is happening right now, and you love it. The way her body sticks to yours, fitting perfectly against you, and how she smells of lavender, and you don't want to leave where you are and you're scared because you feel things you've never felt before and you don't know what to do so you lay there eventually falling asleep yourself.

* * *

><p>Piper<p>

You've never felt anything like that. That sense of pleasure has never been reached before and you loved it, and you want it again and again. You have had plenty of sex before Alex, but for some reason, it's like you just discovered sex for the first time, and how it's really supposed to be. You are honestly glad that she tells you that you don't have to try on her right this second, one because you are afraid to go after someone as earth shattering as Alex, and two, because that means that you will see her again.

When she pulls you in close, you feel so safe and you fall asleep. When you wake up, she is still asleep and you admire how truly beautiful she is. You slide out of her grasp and grab her button down shirt and put it on. You find your phone and order Chinese food. You look around the house and see a picture of Alex and an older woman, and you just know by the way Alex has talking about her, that it's her mom, Diane. She is gorgeous. Looks so much like Alex and you smile. You're startled when you hear footsteps come out of the bedroom and then you see Alex standing there in an oversized t shirt from some rock band that you don't know. You tell her that you ordered Chinese and she tells you that's perfect. She goes and sits on the couch, patting the spot next to her and you snuggle in next to her, and she wraps her arms around your legs, pulling you closer.

You look at the clock, which says that it is 9:48 pm, and she asks if you want to stay over and you think it over for a second before saying yes. The deliveryman knocks on the door and she gets up and pays him, telling him to keep the change for a tip. She brings it to the living room passing you one box. You sit there, sharing Chinese food and talking. You feel like you've known this woman forever, and you feel so comfortable around her. She tells you more about herself, about her past. That she doesn't know her dad, and that she has no siblings. It's just her and Diane. How it was hard growing up with Diane working multiple jobs to support them, and how she somehow managed to give her everything she ever needed. How sometimes it sucked being an only child because she was lonely a lot. And why she didn't go to college, because here was no way she could afford it, so she went straight into working. First was a music store, and then as a receptionist, and briefly a secretary, which didn't last long because she doesn't like being told what to do, and where she works now as an importer for some big company, and that's how she can afford this place. She is so vulnerable and open for you, and you just want to be there for her and be her everything. You don't know why, but you feel the need to.

You tell her that your grew up in Connecticut with two boring parents, and a father who cheated, and a mother who drank away a better part of the 1990's. You tell them that when you were a senior in high school that they finally divorced, and that you went on to go to Smith University, and she is impressed. You are an open book for her, completely trusting, and she is the same for you. You talk for hours about everything from cooking to her goals in life, and she asks about your plans for the future which you honestly have no clue what the hell you want, and she is okay with that. You listen to her, hanging on every detail and word that comes out of her mouth. She gets up and takes the trash to the kitchen and throws it away.

You get up and look at her impressive movie collection and see that she has _Notting Hill_, which happens to be your favorite, and she asks if you want to watch it, which you of course say yes to, because who turns that down? You settle into the couch, Alex sits next to you, and you lay your head in her lap. You watch Hugh Grant and Julie Roberts play out this love story, and by the end of the movie you're crying, and you hear Alex laugh at you a little. You look up at her and she kisses you and wipes the tears from your cheeks. You look at her and you know you are done for and she gives you this look back like she knows, too. She takes your hand in her own and says nothing, but her eyes tell everything. Because in less than 24 hours, you've fallen in love with this woman and you can't look back now. You are done for, and you accept it because you wouldn't want it any other way.

* * *

><p>Alex<p>

You know you love her that first night, but you can't tell her then so you keep it to yourself. You spend days together and she practically moves into your place within a couple of weeks. This is all new territory for you. The one-night-stand was your crutch, and suddenly that crutch has been taken away and you're hobbling around on unsteady legs trying to figure out how this all works.

Her clothes are in your dresser, her makeup in your bathroom, her running shoes by the front door, and she's in the next room folding your laundry. If someone had told you a two months ago that this would be your life, you would've laughed at them and told them to fuck off, but it is your life, and the crazy part is you love it. You love her. You have to tell her.

Your mom knows about her and is coming to the city today ready to meet this woman who has taken over your life. You're not nervous because you know she'll love her. Hell, Piper has talked to her on the phone. Piper comes out with the laundry basket on her hip and takes it into your room. You walk in and sit on the bed, watching her. She has on one of your flannels and a pair of leggings, her hair pulled back into a bun and you think she could not be more beautiful. You ask her if she is nervous and she tells you no as she is folding the laundry. She isn't nervous. She is ready. Ready to meet the woman that you talk about all the time and who's pictures are all over your apartment.

You hear a knock at the door and know who it is. You open it and greet her with a hug and tell her how happy you are to see her. She quickly gets passed you and asks where Piper is. She isn't shy about it at all. Piper walks out and Diane opens her arms for a hug. She tells you that she is very pretty and that she picked a good one. Piper smiles and the two go and have a conversation, totally not caring if you are even in the room. It's like they've known each other for years the way they're talking. Like old friends catching up. You go and make a fresh pot of coffee, watching as the two talk and Piper looks over at you with a smile, letting you know she is okay and you wink at her. You bring over two cups of coffee and sit next to Piper, who has her knees to her chest, and you wrap your arm around her. Diane smiles.

You sit there, Diane asks every question she has thought of, and you sit there laughing, and blushing occasionally. Piper gets up and heads to the bathroom.

You look at Diane who has a smile a mile wide on her face. She tells you that you found her. The one. You smile because you know it's true. She thumps you on the back of the head when you tell her that you haven't told her that you love her yet. She tells you to grow a pair, typical Diane Vause fashion, and tell her that you love her. You nod because she's right and Piper walks back out so you cut off that conversation. She sits next to you, leaning into your side.

You're caught off guard when she asks Diane what you were like as a kid. You blush when Diane starts telling all the stories, and then you almost die when she goes in her purse and brings out the pictures. She came prepared. Piper goes through each of them smiling and laughing, which is the only reason you are still living at the moment. You watch as her face lights up and you rest your hand on her thigh. She looks at you and smiles that smile that can kill you in an instant and you look at Diane who is watching the both of you. She gently nods her head, giving her final bit of approval. She stays for dinner and then dessert, and you love having her over. You offer for her to stay the night, but she tells you that she has plans in the morning, so she has to drive back to New Jersey. You all talk for a few more minutes, and she hugs both of you. You walk her to the door and she tells you one last time to tell Piper how you feel and you kiss her on the cheek and she leaves.

You turn to see Piper smiling. She tells you how much she loves your mom and asks if you think your mom liked her. You tell her that she loved her, and tears well up in her blue eyes. She knows that it means so much to you that your mom approves of her, and it makes her so happy.

She grabs your hand and pulls you into the bedroom and pushes you onto the mattress where she takes charge. Even though she is pretty new at this whole game, she does a damn good job of making your toes curl and making you scream her name. She rips off your sweater and unhooks your bra in tosses them behind her. She straddles your waist, and grabs your face as she kisses you passionately. You can hardly breath as you feel her dip her hand under the waistband of your pants and cup your mound and you moan into her mouth. You are so wet, and she glides up and down your center, making you throw your head back into the mattress, and she nips on your earlobe. You let out another moan when she pushes inside of you, quickly picking up speed and she plays with your breasts. You can feel the heat building in your core and your stomach tightening. Your inside start to burn and you know you are so close as she curls and thrusts. You feel yourself come undone and you scream out her name, arching your back and gripping the sheets. She stays hovering over top of you, and when she pulls out, you let out a whimper from the loss of contact. She captures your lips in a kiss that is blinding and she rests her chin on your chest.

You push her hair back and smile at her. She lays her head down, and you finally say it. You say you love her, and she looks up at you. She smiles, and you feel so vulnerable in that moment that you might die, and then she tells you that she loves you too, and you are brought back to life. You kiss her.

It took 12 hours to fall in love with her, but it took you two months to say anything. You wanted to really mean it when you said it, because it is important, and you've never been in love before so you wanted to be sure. And you are sure. So sure. Never been more sure of anything in your life. And you love her, and she loves you.

* * *

><p>Piper<p>

She grabs your hand as you both walk down the street in June, and you don't even care that it's really too hot to hold hands, and your hand is going to sweat. You've been with her for seven months, and they've been amazing. You're head over heels in love with her, and you'd walk through fire her, and she'd do the same for you. She pulls you to her side by your waist, running her fingertips over your white sundress, and you kiss her cheek. It is so hot outside, and she is wearing shorts and a tank top. The shorts make her legs look a mile long, and the way the tank top is cut low has you finding it difficult to keep your eyes off of her. Fourth of July parade lines are going up the streets, and you two watch as the fire engines drive by and the little kids with painted faces and ice cream melting down their arms squeal with excitement, which makes you laugh, because they're so cute.

You feel her hand on the small of your back and you smile because it sends tingles up your spine, and you turn and kiss her. She takes your hand again, and you both keep walking down the street. You stop for dinner at a little street side café, and sit out front. You sit impossibly close to each other. Laughing, touching, stealing food off each other's plates. People notice. Everywhere you two go, people notice, and you love it. They know how in love you are, and it makes you feel good. Occasionally you two are told to get a room, but you never listen. Making out in a crowd, hugging all over each other, and letting everyone know you two are together. You were never one for PDA until you met Alex, and she tells you that she used to be the same way. It always made you uncomfortable, but when you're with her, it's totally natural, and it's not forced, like your previous relationships. You two take over a room when you walk in, and others gravitate towards you. They want to see a love this strong for themselves, and it never fails to show.

She tucks a strand of you hair behind your ear and looks into your eyes, and it's just you two. Everything else is just buzzing in the background and you only see her. It happens every time. She holds your hand and plays footsie with you under the table, and you are like a teenager in love. She pays the bill and you get up. You walk to the park and the sun starts to set.

She picks a spot and goes into her purse, pulling out a thin blanket that she brought along. She lays it out and sits down, patting the space in between her lags, and you sit, making yourself comfortable. You lean into her chest, watching all that is happening around you and talking. It doesn't have to be really about anything, you guys can talk about nothing for hours. And when the sun finally sets, you both hear the crack in the distance and then the sky lights up with bright colors. Alex smiles, and holds you tight, and you both watch the display. She laughs at how you are so much like a little kid, in the sound effects you keep making with each explosion of color. She leans back down on the blanket, and you settle into her side, looking at how the firework color reflects in her eyes. And you smile at how focused she is. Her toned stomach is just barely exposed when she lies down, as her tank lifts up when she rests her arms behind her head. Your fingernails tickle the sensitive skin then and she looks at you and smiles, and you give her that look, and she leans in and takes your lips in a slow kiss, biting as she pulls away and your eyes flutter after she finally disconnects. And she wraps an arm around you, looking back at the sky. You rest your head on her shoulder, playing with the little gold necklace that's lying flat on her chest, and you smile because this is perfect.

* * *

><p>Alex<p>

The end of summer is still warm in New York, so you leave the bedroom window open. The warm breeze comes in, and brushes over the skin that's not covered by the thin sheets on the bed. You try and move, but you realize that after making love to Piper until the early hours of the morning, and falling asleep tangled in limbs that the thin sheets have taken you prisoner in your own bed, which is perfect because Piper is still there, tangled in the sheets with you. Her hair shines in the light coming through the window, and her sun-kissed skin glows. The blanket only covers her ass, which you kind of hate because you love her ass. But you look over her skin. It's flawless and perfect in every way. You smile, and untangle yourself from the sheets, making sure not to disturb her.

You turn on you side and go over every inch of her skin. How her hair fans across her pillow and down a little passed her shoulder. The freckles that are on her shoulder blades. Her back muscles can be seen with the angle of her arms and they drive you crazy. You trace your eyes down her spine, and the dented trail that runs from the base of her neck to small of her back. You can see the outline of her ribs, but not too much, because she is so muscular from all the working out she does, but just enough that they are visible. You always climb the ladder of her ribs, and it drives her wild. You follow to her waist, and then to the small of her back. Those two dimples sit there and they turn you on so much that you really just want to take her right then, but you let her sleep. You can't keep your hands to yourself for long, though, and you slide your finger lightly down the dent of her spine, and she moans out. You play at the base, where those sexy dimples are, and you see goosebumps come up all over her skin, so you kiss them.

She slowly turns over and you smile at what is in front of you. Her eyes, so blue and you know they could kill you in a second. Her lips are so pink, without make up, and you lean in and give them a light kiss. Your eyes travel down her neck, over her collarbones and the little slide that is created by them, and the dent where the both end. How can you not stare at her breasts, and you kiss both of them and she hisses, and you love it, smiling into her skin. You rake your eyes over her flat stomach, drumming your fingertips over it, and she smiles because she's ticklish. The sheet covers up her center, but you can still see her hipbones slightly lifting it, creating a little tent. Her thighs are so muscular and you love them. Runner's legs, and they drive you crazy. Your eyes go to the little scar that is there form a bike riding accident hat she got into as a kid. She told you the story after you noticed it one night. You kiss it. You rub her right thigh, and then down her calves, and to her ankles, and kissing the top of her foot, lightly dragging your fingers up her leg as you make your way back up. She lays there, staring at you, and you smile at her, not saying anything for a bit. You're just taking her all in. Appreciating every bit of

Your hand runs up and down her sternum, and you kiss her again and she smiles into your lips. She asks what you are doing and you tell her just watching and she smiles again. She is usually never a morning person, but you guess that this is different for her. She likes being woken up this way. You fold you arms on the pillow and rest your chin on it. She runs her hands through your hair and it makes your skin tingle. You love just spending these Saturday mornings, just tangled up in bed with her.

* * *

><p>Piper<p>

You remember your first fight. She gets home after a long day and you had the day off from your waitressing job, and you just wanted to be with her. She is busy, and irritable, and you understand she is stressed, but you want to take that stress away. You say something, and now you can't even remember what you said, but obviously she didn't like it. She spits fiery words back at you, and they hurt. They burn, and your eyes start to sting.

You yell back at her, which catches her off guard and she yells back at you. It turns into a screaming match, and neither of you is going to win. You fight, and you fight dirty. You bring up the wrongs, and as soon as you say them, you regret them, because they mean nothing because she has been so fucking good to you. For 7 months, this woman has loved you and taken such care of you, and you hate that you just threw those wrongs at her, and you feel like you want to throw up. She cries, and you try to get to her, but she pushes you away, and you hurt. She screams at you, and you can't help yourself.

Your family always said you suffered from foot-in-mouth disease, and you say something back and she snaps because she has had enough. Enough of your whining and insults. You know she doesn't deserve them because she really is just stressed, and has been going through a lot recently, so you should've given her a break. She slams the door to your bedroom and you sit on the couch. You blood is boiling because you're pissed at yourself, and your mad at her for saying what she said. You sit there for hours, waiting for her to come back out.

She finally comes out of the room. Eyes puffy, face red, eyeliner smeared down her face and she doesn't look at you. She is so hurt, and you're sorry. So sorry. Sorry because you don't want to lose her and the stuff that you said was so mean and you didn't want to hurt her the way you did. You just wanted to get her back for what she said to you, and you know that's not how relationships, especially your relationship with her, works. You two don't do this stuff. You don't scream, throw things, and push and shove each other. But you did this time. You're scared she is going to tell you to leave. She stands in the kitchen and you sit on the couch, watching her. Even with her red face, and puffy eyes, and smeared eyeliner, you still think she is beautiful.

She stands there, and you finally speak up as she grabs a bowl out of the cabinet. You say you're sorry. She stops and looks down at the counter. There is silence. You get up and walk to her and she turns to you, fists balled up at her sides. You say you're sorry and her lip quivers. You grab her wrists. You tell her that you're sorry and that you didn't mean to hurt her. She rests her forehead on your shoulder. She tells you she is sorry and that she is so fucking stressed, and you tell her that you know. You tell her to talk to you. She cries.

You hold her and her body is shaking. You soothe her. She is the strong one, but she isn't strong right now, she is falling apart, and all you can do is hold her and be there. She sobs. She finally tells you thank you, and you aren't sure why, so you ask. She tells you thank you for staying, and not leaving. You hold her and tell her you're never going anywhere, and that you're here. You apologize and she tells you to stop and that she doesn't want you to bring it up again, so you don't. And you stand there holding her, never wanting to let go. And that's all she wants from you. You bring her to the couch, where she usually wraps you up in her arms every morning, but this time you wrap her up and hold her in your arms, and let her sink into your chest. And you both fall asleep in each other's arms. And the fight is over.

* * *

><p>Alex<p>

Piper tells you that her brother is coming into town. Cal, her younger brother. She has nothing to do with her older brother, Danny. He was apparently a real asshole to her and Cal when they were growing up, so she cut ties with him years ago. But she is really close with Cal, and you love it because you never had that sibling bond growing up, so you're glad that Piper gets to experience that. You've talked to Cal several times since you and Piper started going out 10 months ago, but you've never actually met.

So when Piper answers the door and this tall young man, kind of husky, with a scruff walks in, you feel totally comfortable and he gives you a big hug. He is a big guy. Piper told you he was kind of a mountain guy, living out in a trailer in the middle of the woods. She says he spends his time shooting guns and smoking pot, which if you were single and 21, would be great. He's a really nice guy. You can tell how much he loves Piper, the way he listens to everything she says, and actually gives valuable input. He's a good guy. He is very nice to you.

You two have no problems making conversation, and honestly, anyone who walked in would just assume you have known each other for years. You get up and walk back to your bedroom, and you can hear them whispering, which makes you smiles since they're obviously talking about you. You go to the dresser and get the gift you had gotten for him. You know how much he also likes his knives, so you give him a beautiful knife. A wooden handle, curved and with finger spaces. The blade is slightly curved and it is engraved with his name and the year. He lights up when you give it to him, looking it over before folding it up and giving you a hug. You tell him it was nothing, and he looks over it again. Piper smiles at you, and you wink back at her.

After a couple of hours, Piper tells you she is going to go for a quick run, and asks if you'll be okay with him by yourself, and of course you tell her that you will, so she gets ready and jogs out the door. You sit on the couch across from Cal and make small talk. He finally speaks up and asks you how you feel about Piper. You smile at him and tell him that you are madly in love with her, and he smiles back, and tells you that he knows. He can definitely see it. He thanks you for taking such great care of her, and it warms your heart. He then gets serious, which kind of makes you laugh because he really isn't threatening at all. He does the typical brother talk, and tells you not to ever hurt her. He asks what your intentions with her are and you pause. You tell him that for right now, things are great, and that you're the happiest you've ever been, and he accepts that. He takes a sip of his beer and then nods, giving you the Cal approval nod.

Piper comes back and you all sit around the living room that night, drinking and laughing. He tells stories of when Piper was younger, and you are crying of laughter. Finally that blonde you love passes out and you pick her up and carry her to bed. You come back out to Cal and say goodnight.

As he is leaving the next day, you hug him and thank him for coming. He tells you that he really likes you, and that he's glad Piper found you. You smile, and he hugs Piper, kissing her cheek before heading out the door.

Piper looks at you and smiles, and you smile back because you just totally won over her brother, which makes her so happy.

* * *

><p>Piper<p>

And the months go by, and before you know it, it's been a year. A year with the woman who picked you up in a bar, and who kissed you that first night, and who loves you. You can't imagine life without her. You don't have to do fancy dates or weekend trips. It's the little things together. Putting together the new TV stand in the living room, shopping for groceries, or when you're sick and she holds you all weekend to make you feel better. That's what you love. The other stuff is great and all, but you like the every day life you have together. She goes to work and you go do what you have to do, and you miss her all day.

Your friends notice it, your brother notices it, and even your parents, who are too wrapped up in their own bullshit soap opera lives, notice it. When they ask you who this Alex guy is, and you explain to them that SHE is the love of your life, and they go silent. You expect that. What you don't expect is that this is the last time you'll talk to them because they don't agree with who you love, and then in a second, you just have a brother left as your family. And you have Alex. And Alex picks you up from your sobbing and holds you tight and tells you everything is going to be all right and that she is your family and that Diane is now your family, and that your parents can go fuck themselves. She is your rock, and everything around you is the rushing river, trying to pull you away, but you hang on tight, because that rock is keeping you alive.

What they did was so wrong, and you hurt. You hurt because you can't imagine cutting off someone just because who they love isn't up to your standards. And you hurt because they're your parents, and they're supposed to be there for you, and love you forever, and for some reason you got really shitty parents who can't put their own feelings aside and get over it. But you move on because of the incredible woman in your life, the one who they don't accept, and the one who accepts you for everything you are.

She is the love of your life. You tell her that and she smiles. You know you don't want to spend the rest of your life with any one else and she tells you the same thing. You both sit in front of the fireplace, wrapped in this blanket that she has that smells like her. It smells like home. Anywhere Alex is, is home to you.

So when you come back to her apartment one night and open the door and all you see are candles and red rose petals leading to the bedroom, you put your stuff down and walk into the room. You see the dark haired woman looking right at you and you smile, and she smiles back. You go to speak and she cuts you off, which takes you by surprise because she always listens to every word you say, but not this time. She tells you that she loves you. That she doesn't want to be with anybody else. She goes back to that night in the bar a year ago and tells you that she was never looking for this, but she is so grateful that she found it. She found love, and it changed her life, and that you have changed her life. You're crying. She says that she knew you were the one that day her mom came to visit and then when you dragged her to the bedroom and after you made love to her, she told you that she loved you, and you said it back. She points to the bed and reminds you that this is where she first said it. She stands up from the bed and walks over to you. You just want to kiss her and then she does something that makes you go weak at the knees and your heart stops. She gets down on one knee, reaches into her breast pocket, and pulls out a diamond ring. You cover your mouth with your hands, and she is shaking as she asks you to marry her. You don't even have to think about it and you pull her to her feet and you let her slip the gorgeous ring on your finger and you look at it or a second before you crash your lips into hers. She holds you tight and thanks you over and over again and you tell her that you love her so much, and you both cry and hold each other. Your fiancée, that dark haired woman from the bar, wipes the tears from your cheek and you smile, kissing her again.

* * *

><p>Alex<p>

You knew you wanted to marry her. From the first time you told her you loved her, you knew she was the only one you wanted to be with. To wake up to in the morning. To have those stupid fights with and then later have hot make up sex with. It was her. So when she came into that room, you just started talking, and you cut her off, which you could see took her by surprise. You tell her what you love about her and that you are so thankful that she is in your life. Your palms are sweaty as you grab out the ring. The one you and your mom went in picked out several months ago while Piper was visiting her brother. You knew it was perfect for her. You pull out that ring and you ask her to marry you and you stop breathing for half a second when she takes your hand and pulls you up to her and agrees to marry you and you both stand there crying and you tell her how much you love her, and how much she means to you. And you are so happy she said yes. It's the best moment of your life. You call your mom and tell her the news and she also cries. You and your fiancée make love into the early hours of the morning before tangling in each other's arms and she tells you that she loves the ring, and you smile because you knew she would. You kiss her and she rests her head on your chest and you hold on to her, never wanting to let go.

Over the next few months, you watch her plan every little detail, and listen to what all she has to say. She asks you what you think about arrangements, colors, dresses, music, and everything she can think of. You take the time to answer each question, but honestly you want her to have everything she wants, so you hope she goes with what she wants, not what you want. You don't like crowds and big events, so you are doing this wedding for her, because she loves them, and she is so excited about it that her eyes sparkle every time it is mentioned.

The planning goes on for months and she tells you that she wants to get married in September. September 24, 2005 to be exact. She tells you it's not too hot and it is not too cold, so it's just right for an outdoor wedding. You agree, because she is right, and New York is beautiful in the fall. You both pick a venue, one with a grassy meadow where the planner gives you a layout that shows the aisle and the alter and where the guests are going to sit. It isn't going to be a big wedding. Neither of you don't have much family. Your best friend, Nicky, will best your best woman, and Cal will stand next to you, after her walks Piper down the aisle. Piper is going to have Polly be her maid of honor, and Nicky's girlfriend, Lorna, standing next to her. She picks out her dress and won't show it to you, which is exciting because you'll get to see it for the first time when she walks down the aisle. You feel a lump in your throat at the thought of her in a white dress coming to you fills your mind.

You decide you'll also wear a dress, for your mother's sake. You would rather wear a nice pantsuit, but Diane begs you and you can't say no to her, so you find a simple white wedding dress and you have to admit that it looks good on you. She marks off every day on the calendar and then it gets down to where you are getting married to her tomorrow. You are a little nervous, but more excited than anything. You mom is staying at your place, and the night before the wedding, you say goodbye to Piper as she leaves to spend her final night as an unmarried woman at her best friend, Polly's, house. You kiss her goodbye and tell her that you will see her tomorrow, letting her fingers slip from your hold, and the door is closed.

* * *

><p>Piper<p>

You leave your apartment where the love of your life will wait for you until the next day. You're getting married tomorrow and you can't wait. You've never been more ready for anything in your life and you try to get a good night's sleep, but it doesn't work because this is like when you were little and couldn't sleep on Christmas Eve. But this is better than Christmas Eve, and you have a smile on your face.

Your alarm goes off at 7 am and Polly gets up. She makes you breakfast and you tell her about what all is going to happen today. You have 3 hours to get ready before you have to be at the venue, and so you take a hot shower. Polly does your hair and you put on your make up. Polly tears up a little when she sees you with your hair pulled up and your makeup looking flawless, and honestly you are pretty impressed with how you look. You check the time and tell Polly to hurry with getting ready. You grab the dress and the shoes. The shoes are amazing. You found them a couple of weeks ago, and you just had to have them. A little pricy, but you couldn't resist.

Polly helps you get the dress in the car and you drive to the venue. Your stomach is filled with butterflies and Polly takes your hand, seeing how much you are fidgeting. You smile at her and thank her for being the best friend during all of this. The planning, the details, the everything, and she tells you she loves you and you feel so lucky to have her with you for this day. You finally get there and they escort you to a changing room and you change, and Polly helps with all the finishing touches and you smiles at yourself in the mirror. Cal walks in and you leave him speechless. He tells you that you are beautiful, and you thank him for coming and still being a part of your life. You feel sad that your parents won't be here to see this, but then you remember how awful they are and you don't feel sad anymore because today is where your life really begins.

You can hear people coming in, and you recognize the voice on the other side of the door and you tell them to come in. It is Alex's best friend, Nicky, and she tells you that you look gorgeous and that Alex Vause is a lucky woman. You ask about Alex, but Nicky won't give you any details, which you know is for the best because you want to be so surprised when you finally get to see her. Call checks his watch and tells you that in five minutes you are going to walk down that aisle. You watch the minute hand spin around the clock and your heart is beating fast, and you just keep thinking that you are about to see Alex, and that gets you through those agonizing five minutes before Cal takes your hand and you stand in front of the doors leading to the outside.

You don't look outside because you want to wait to see Alex. You hear the music start and Cal squeezes your hand and you smile at him, and he opens that door and you walk out into the aisle.

You look up and you lose your breath. You don't lose it, it is stolen. Stolen right out of your lungs, and you can't see anything else except for that gorgeous woman at the end of the aisle who is waiting for you. And that fact that there is no oxygen in your lungs doesn't matter. And you see her and she smiles and you get your air back and all you want to do is get to her. Cal walks with you and stops just short of her and kisses your cheek. Alex takes your hand and helps you up the steps, and nothing else matters. Not the guests, not the wedding official, not the decorations, not the place. None of it matters. She is all that matters, and everything else is just background and you know that this is so right. She holds your hands and you smile at her.

* * *

><p>Alex<p>

The white dress, guests, the flower lined aisle was never in the cards for you. That was until you met that amazing woman in that bar over a year ago, and your life changed and all of this became a reality, and it became what you wanted more than anything. Maybe not the wedding itself, but you want Piper more than anything and you will go through hell to see her happy.

You hear the music start to play and you tense up and Nicky nudges you and tells you to calm down and that you'll get to see her in just a minute. You can barely breathe as you wait for her to walk out. And then those doors open. You see her in that white dress, her hair pulled back, and those blue eyes lock with yours, and you fall in love with her all over again. Everything else goes dark, and all you see is Piper walking down that aisle, coming straight for you. You want to run to her, but you have to wait.

After what seems like forever, she make it too you and you pull her over, and she is standing there in front of her. You tell her she looks beautiful, and you try and hold back the tears, but it doesn't work, and you silently thank God for waterproof mascara. You stand there holding hands. The official goes through the typical speech, and when he asks for vows.

Piper goes first. She tells you how much she loves you, how honored she is that you asked her to marry her. She tells about how you met, and how crazy it is to think that you are both here today after meeting in that run down bar. You laugh and she makes promises to love you forever and to never leave your side. She promises to follow you where you may go, and that she will always be there for you. She tells you again how much she loves you before she can't speak any more through the tears. You wipe them from her face, and wipe away you own before you unfold a little slip of paper you've been holding onto, and begin to read.

You tell her that she is your world, your reason, your purpose, and your soul mate. You remind her that you didn't believe in love at first sight, but that she made you rethink that when you locked eyes with her in that bar over a year ago. You promise her that you will always love and accept her for everything she is, or will be. You assure her that you are totally committed and that there is no one on this planet that you would rather be standing here with, right here, right now. You thank her for giving her the best year and a half of her life, and promise that you will spend every day for the rest of your life making up for all the love she has given you. You promise her that she will have lots of stories to tell by the end of her life. She laughs at the joke that only you and her get, but that is okay, but it only matters if she is smiling. You fold up the letter and simply tell her that you love her.

The official finishes his speech and tells you that you can kiss the bride, so you take her face in your hands and tilt her face towards yours and you kiss your wife. You kiss her and then you pull away from and look into her eyes, taking her hand and walking down the aisle. You catch your mom's eyes and smile at her as she dries her cheeks with a tissue. You pull Piper down the aisle and into the building where you pick her up and kiss her again. She smiles into your lips, and you stand there holding her up, and you've never been so happy in your life, because everything you could ever want or need is in your arms, smiling that gorgeous smile back at you.

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue <strong>

Alex

You sit here on this Christmas morning, December 25, 2014 in the living room of your apartment, the same one you have lived in for the last decade. Piper has decorated the apartment, and it looks really beautiful. Twinkling lights, a tall Christmas tree with ornaments evenly placed throughout, garland above the fireplace, little Christmas figurines on the coffee table, and the kitchen even has festive dishtowels, which you have to admit are pretty cute.

It's kind of early for Piper to be up, since it's only 7:45, so you sit there on the couch, sipping on a cup of coffee, looking at all the presents under the tree. You feel something brush up against your leg and you look down to see your cat, Simon, staring at you. Piper convinced you to get a cat about 2 years after you got married. You hated the idea of pets, because you never had one growing up. But Piper uses her charm to convince you to go with her to the humane society and look at the cats where you both fell in love with a little gray and white fur ball, who Piper decides to name Simon. Simon jumps up next to you and lays there, purring and you pet him. It's quiet and the snow is falling outside as you sit on your couch in the quiet apartment.

You hear her feet hit the ground and you know that she'll be out here in a few minutes. So you wait and you hear her coming down the hall. You sit there sipping out of your coffee mug and hear her walking, getting closer and closer. When she rounds the edge of the couch and lays down so her head is in your lap, you run your fingers through her hair. She radiates warmth, and lays there quietly, like she does most mornings. This is your routine, and has been for years. You tell her Merry Christmas, and she says it back. You grab the cup of hot coffee next to you that you had already poured for her and she sits up and sleepily takes a drink, smiling at the taste of the fresh brew. You ask her how she slept and she tells you that she slept well and you brush her hair off her face, and she leans into your hand. You give her a soft kiss. She leans into your side, wrapping her arm around yours and sits there in silence. This is always the best part of your day. She lies there, and Simon comes up to sit in between you and you cherish these moments of quiet.

And you two look at the tree that you went and picked out a couple of weeks ago, and the smell of fresh Christmas tree fills the air. You smell her body wash that is vanilla, and it makes you smile, and you play with the ends of her flannel pajama bottoms with little Christmas characters on them, tickling her skin and she laughs like a little kid. She's been ticklish since the first day you met her. Her hair is shorter than when you first met, but it's still gorgeous. And her smile is as bright as it was when you met her in 2003.

Hard to believe that you've been together 11 years. They've been the best 11 years of your life, and you've grown up together, and traveled, and lived life, and loved. Pictures of all the places you've been are on the walls. Paris, Bali, Cambodia, Italy, and tons of other places. All with that beautiful blonde you met in that bar 11 years ago. And you sit, opening gifts, and watching her light up the way she does, and you smile at her. You could watch her smile all day, and you kiss her and tell her that you love her, and she nuzzles your neck, and you are so glad you met her in that bar all those years ago because she has changed your life, and you are so grateful for her. And you wouldn't have it any other way.

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue<strong>

Piper

As you're sitting on the couch, wrapped in her arms under the blanket, watching Christmas movies, you look over at her. The way she doesn't even have to try to be drop dead gorgeous. Those green eyes that take your breath away. The jet black hair, that doesn't have the blue tips in it anymore, but is pulled up into a bun hasn't faded in color since you met her. She rubs your thigh, and you smile at her, and you hold onto her.

The last eleven years have really been amazing. You still have nothing to do with your parents, but that's okay because you have Cal and his family, and you have Alex, and you have Diane who is going to be over tomorrow. She is just amazing as the first time you met her, and she has really taken you under her wing, and become someone you really love.

You and Alex traveled after you got married, and adventured, and lived life on the edge there for a little while. Eventually you came back to live in New York, in her apartment, because there's no place like home.

You work at the local elementary school as a music teacher, and you really love it, and the kids are wonderful. Alex loves that you love your job so much, and she loves hearing all your stories from the day. But you're so glad it's finally Winter Break at school, and you can just spend some time with Alex.

The snow is falling outside, and you two go to take a walk and look at the Christmas lights, and she holds your hand as you walk under the streetlights on this New York City Christmas. She buys you hot chocolate, and you walk by that bar where you met her eleven years ago, and you both smile, but keep on walking, because that's not really you're type of place anymore.

And you make it back to the apartment, and she takes off your coat and you shake your hair out of the white hat your wearing, as she slips off her beanie, and you watch her hair fall in waves over her shoulder. She walks to the back room, and you go to the kitchen to make some dinner for you two.

She walks up behind you and pulls your hair away, kissing your neck, and you smile. You crane your neck and she nips at it gently, and you close your eyes and moan a little.

11 years after you met her in that bar and she still sends you into a teenage like state when she touches you, and you can't get enough of her. Ever. Because you love her so much, and sometimes it feels like you can't breathe, you love her so much. And then she touches you, and tells you that she loves you, or she squeezes you tighter at night, or she writes you a little love note and leaves it on the counter, and it's the little things. And when she does them, they make you love her more than you did all those years ago, which you didn't even know was humanly possible, but apparently it is, because you do. And when she's not there, you can't breathe, and you feel empty. But as she holds you on this Christmas morning in, 11 years after you met her in that dark bar, there is nowhere you'd rather be than laying wrapped up in her arms. And she is your home, and your life, and you love her more than words can express. And she looks into your eyes and kisses you, and you can finally breathe.

* * *

><p><strong>So that is it. I really loved writing it, so I hope you you liked it. Please let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!<strong>


	2. Pain

**This is much darker than the first one shot, so just a warning that if you aren't into dark stories, this one shot probably isn't for you...**

* * *

><p>Alex<p>

Angry. So angry. But more than angry, you're hurt. So fucking hurt. She left you. Yeah, you see why she left, because you know this isn't a life that you'd want for yourself. Being a housewife and waiting around for the woman you love all the time. The woman you love who spends most of her time away from you, drowning in her work, and when she is near you she is either talking about work or doing some extra project that has to do with her work.

And you are glazed over and she is saying your name. Crying for you and you are too selfish and absorbed with your work to notice that she is slipping away from you. Then you finally look at her.

Her eyes are staring back at you and you know why you love her so much. She's the love of your life, but you're so fucking stressed that you have put her on the back burner for a while. And you know that is wrong, and a really shitty thing to do, but you don't know what else to do right now.

And as she is looking at you with those eyes, tearing at your heartstrings, and begging you to fucking pay attention to her for two seconds. And you know what is about to happen and your heart settles in your throat.

Because she tells you that she can't do this anymore. She can't be your pathetic housewife anymore, and wait for you to notice her. She isn't your toy that you can bring off the shelf when you have the time to play with her. She deserves more than that, and you know it, but you've been too busy to do anything about it.

Your eyes burn. And you see the tears streaming down her face. And you beg her to stay, but she tells you no. And you feel your heart shattering into a million pieces because the person you love more than anything, even though you haven't been able to show it in a while, can't take your lifestyle anymore.

And time stands still as she gets up from the bed and leaves the room. And you stand there, motionless, and in so much pain.

She gathers her things from your room and puts them into a suitcase and she is crying, but she isn't looking at you, and you are frozen in place. She gets all of her things together and she looks back at you and you can't even look at her because if you watch her walk out that door you might die. Actually stop living. So all you're left with is the sound of her heels hitting the floor and stopping for a second before walking out that door, and right on out of your life.

You fall to your knees, sobbing, shaking, and devastated. Because the love of your life, Piper Chapman, just walked out of your life, and you know that she means it. You know she is not coming back, and your world has the light ripped out of it, and your whole body hurts, and you think that you are going to throw up.

Your whole life just walked out that door. And you are just now realizing that your work isn't your whole life, it is actually that gorgeous woman who is your life, and you have been too stupid and selfish to realize that. And when you realize it, she is gone, and you are empty. You are too stupid, too selfish, too arrogant, and worst of all too late in noticing that.

* * *

><p>Piper<p>

You walk out that door, turning your back on the life you have known for the passed 3, almost 4, years. Turning your back on the woman you have loved for years. Because you just couldn't do it anymore. It wasn't fair to you.

And it was the hardest decision that you have ever had to make, and you have never hurt so much in your life. And you get in the cab and sob the entire way to the airport. You cry for more of the plane ride back to the United States, and when you show up at your best friend, Polly's house, she lets you in and you cry some more.

You wake up and your life is a fog. You check your phone and she has called and texted you, and you block her number because you can't handle it. You know that if you open them, you will be drawn back to her, and for your own sanity and wellbeing, you can't do that.

Polly comes into your room and you tell her all that has happened, and she holds you as you cry.

You never knew love until you met Alex Vause, and then you realize that you really never knew loss until you left her behind, and left your entire life behind.

That life was the only thing you knew about the real world, and it wasn't even a real world. Because traveling to exotic places, staying in luxury hotels and resorts, and taking part in an international drug cartel is not the real world, but it was your world. And it was all you knew outside of your college life.

Polly tells you to stay as long as you want, and you sit there in a fog, trying to figure out where to go from here, because you never had any plans for a normal life. You never planned to not be with Alex, traveling and being catered to.

But you know that in the long run this is for the best because that life with Alex couldn't last forever. It was bound to end in flames and heartache. It was a train wreck waiting to happen, and you couldn't stick around to watch it.

So you sit in the bed at Polly's apartment, wondering where you go from here. How do you make a life without the love of your life?

* * *

><p>Alex<p>

They say it gets better over time, but whoever told you that is a fucking liar, because it does not get better over time. It always hurts. In the morning when you first wake up, it hurts. When you are standing in the shower, it hurts. When you are out with friends, it hurts. And it hurts the most when you are lying in the bed that you two shared for years, alone at night.

And for months is continues hurting, and all the alcohol in the world can't ease the pain, and make you forget her. Especially when you are lying down at night.

So you decide you can't be in your bed alone, and the parade of women starts.

There isn't emotions, feelings, lust, love, anything. It is dark. It is strictly physical. Like clockwork. At least for you it is anyways, and the women you bring back to your bed seem to enjoy it. And in the morning you kick them out, and you never speak to them again, and you go on to the next.

When sex can't take your mind off of her, you know what your next step it. And you hate that you have to resort to drugs, but you know it is the only thing that will make the pain stop. And secretly, it is a way at getting back at her for leaving you, because you know how much she hated the drugs, and you think to yourself that maybe she will find out and it will make her feel bad for leaving you. Yes, it is fucked up that you think like this, but you honestly don't care.

So you do the thing that you promised her that you would never do. And as you put that band around your arm, and you stick that needle into your vein and push down the top. You think of her before the rush of it hits your bloodstream and she is gone from your mind.

Haze and calmness fills you and you are in a cloud. And you are hooked because the pain is gone. And you never want to experience that pain ever again, so you keep doing it. And every time you shoot up, and you think of her, blaming her for what she has made you do.

You know she didn't make you do this, but it makes you feel better, because you know what your doing is so wrong, but it is the only thing that helps.

And before you know it, your life revolves around the drugs, and how they make you feel, or the lack of feeling, is more like it.

And you can't live without that feeling, and you don't give a fuck if it is killing you, or that it could kill you one day. Because honestly, if it killed you, that would be the ultimate payback for her leaving you. And no matter how twisted you know that sounds, you go with it. Because the drugs have you so fucked up that you don't even know what is okay and what's not anymore.

* * *

><p>Piper<p>

You get a job at an office building as a receptionist. And it becomes normal for you to get up, go to work, put on a front that you're happy all day, and then go home to your empty apartment that you can barely afford.

And it hits you again that she isn't there. And you wonder what she is doing. You miss her every second of every day. And you never stop thinking about her. And you pray that she is okay. You never prayed because you thought the whole idea was bullshit. But just incase there is someone up there, you pray.

You make some new friends, and you try to go out and have a good time. It isn't awful, but it isn't particularly fun either. And when Polly tries to set you up with a friend of hers, you flip out on her because it's only been six months and you are nowhere near ready to date again.

You're not really sure if you will ever been okay enough to move on from Alex. You've never loved, or seen love like you had with Alex. It was earth shattering, life changing, catastrophic love. Even when she wasn't paying attention to you, you knew that love was there.

So when you are sitting alone in your apartment one night, you pick up the phone and you dial a number. You call her mom, because you two were close and you have to know if she is okay.

And she answers and she is so relieved to hear from you. You talk for a little bit before you finally ask how she is. And she tells you that she is terrible. She tells you that she fears for Alex's life every second of every day, and you crumble. You ask where she is, and she tells you that she is still in Paris.

She tells you that she thinks that she is on drugs, and you feel red-hot rage inside of you. Because she knows how much you hated those drugs, and you know it is all because of you and your hate for them that she went down that path. She tells you that she is scared that she is going to die. And you break down.

You talk for hours, before she finally tells you that she has to go, and you thank her for not hating you and she tells you that she could never do that. And then she tells you that you need to go and get her. She tells you that she needs you, and that you're the only thing that can save her. And then she hangs up.

You sink to the floor of your empty apartment. You feel more empty and afraid than you have ever felt.

You hate yourself because you leaving drove her to this. None of this would be happening if you were there. And it makes you sick that you are the reason for all of this.

And without even thinking anymore about it, you pack a bag and take a cab to the airport, booking the next flight to Paris. Because you have to save her from herself.

* * *

><p>Alex<p>

This has been your life for months now. Getting over her. Except for you're not really getting over her, you are just blocking her out every chance that you can. It works for you. It's not ideal by any means, but it is working for you. It gets her out of your mind for a bit, and that's all you need.

Your mother is worried sick about you. She knows you are not all there, and you're pretty sure that she knows that you're on drugs. But honestly, with the hold they have over you, you don't give a fuck. Yeah, you hate that you're probably letting her down, but she doesn't know what you're going through, and there's no way she could understand the pain that you're in.

That hurt is constant. Like a knife in your heart. You wake up in the middle of the night, screaming her name. You are living a nightmare. Life without her is a nightmare. You miss her so fucking much, and some days it is almost too much to take. And on those days, you wish you would just die because that would be better. But then you remember the drugs. Thank God for those drugs.

They make you feel good for a while. Heroin is the best girlfriend you've ever had. It is always there for you, and it doesn't walk out of your apartment, leaving you afraid and alone. She is always there when you need her.

And then you run out, so you have to get more before that pain starts to come back.

You're standing in some stranger's apartment. It smells of sweat, burnt food, and alcohol, which is fine with you because you aren't there for the smell of this apartment. You're there to pick up your drugs. You pick them up, and you pay your price, and you walk out of the apartment.

You walk down the street, everything in a fog because you're still a bit high from this morning. So everything is just buzzing around you, and it's all hazy. You finally make it to your apartment, and fumble with the keys before letting yourself in.

You get into your apartment and you go through your little ritual before you shoot up, and make the pain that is still lingering go away. And you are gone, and you feel sleepy, and so you close your eyes.

You wake up to a noise and you're still fuzzy. You don't have your glasses, but you can tell someone has walked into your apartment. And you get up, stumbling out to the living room.

And you see her. Piper. And you're thinking that you must be imagining it, because there is no way in hell that she would ever come back. And she sees you and she comes to you and she grabs you.

You can feel her skin on yours, and you smell her scent, and you can hear her. This is the realest dream that you've ever had. And you hold onto her, because you're so glad she's there. And you shut your eyes, praying that when you come down from this high that she will still be there.

* * *

><p>Piper<p>

Shocking doesn't even begin to describe when you first see her. She is so thin, and her eyes look black, and her skin isn't that shiny kind of beautiful porcelain color anymore. It is pale and dull. There is no real life there. And you know for certain that she is on drugs. That Alex that you love isn't there, and she is a shell of the woman you love so much.

And you go to her and you hold her. You missed the feeling of her in your arms so much, and she is mumbling things that aren't even real words. And she starts sobbing, and you know that she doesn't think this is even real.

And she is hollow in your arms, and you carry her to the bedroom and put her on the bed. She is out, and you just look at her. Who is this woman? Because the woman you love. Alex. She has life in her eyes, and her skin glows, and she is perfect in every way possible, but this woman is not her. You sit there and wait for her to wake up.

It takes hours, but she finally comes to. That woman who was so happy to see you is long gone. And she screams at you and tells you how much she hates you. This is what you expected. You left her, and you deserve this. But you take all the hurtful words and let them roll off of you because you are here to help her.

Eventually she has nothing to yell about anymore and it is your turn. You ask her about the drugs and she is honest, which is nice, because you didn't want to fight with her about it.

And you tell her that you want to help her and she tells you to fuck off. And so you go to her and you grab her tight. You give her no other options. You hold her and she fights you. But you hold on as tight as you can and you keep telling her that you aren't giving up on her, and that you aren't going to let her kill herself. She she fights some more until she gives up.

And you stand there holding her, and she shakes, and she collapses in your arms. And she is scared, and so are you. And you promise her that you are going to get her through this. You tell her how sorry you are for everything. She doesn't say she forgives you. She really doesn't say much of anything.

You don't ever want to let her go, but you lay with her on the bed and you hold her, because that's all you know to do right now. And this is your next step forward.

* * *

><p>Alex<p>

It is hell. Actually it is worse than hell. It's what things in hell really fear. Withdrawals.

Everything hurts. You can't breathe, you shake, your skin crawls, you feel like you are dying. You honestly wish you were.

She holds your hair back as you are violently ill. She takes care of you. She holds you through the pain, and she cries at the screams coming from you. And you still resent her so much, but you are beyond happy that she is here with you, because you couldn't do this without her.

This hell goes on for what seems like forever, but eventually it gets better. The pain starts to subside, and the fog lifts, and she is still there. She is still there, taking care of you, and getting you clean.

And you finally get through the worst of it, but you know this will be never-ending. You'll always be one step from falling back into it. But you know that if Piper is in your life, you'll never have any reason to fall back.

You realize how much you need her. You need her almost as much as you need oxygen. You couldn't live without her, and you tried for a while to do that, but you know how that turned out. Look where you are now.

But you know you have to move on, and you have to forgive her. Because deep down you know that if you were in her shoes, you would've left, too.

So when she is sitting there with you one afternoon, you swallow your pride and you tell her sorry. She just looks at you. You tell her you're sorry for how you treated her. And you tell her you're sorry for the drugs, and for how she had to take care of you. And she tells you that she is the one who is sorry. She is sorry for walking out, for leaving, for turning her back on you. And you forgive her, and you start to cry, and you tell her how thankful you are that she came back for you.

Because honestly you don't think you would still be alive if she hadn't come and picked you up from the deepest of depths. And you hold her hand and she looks into your eyes. And neither of you say anything, because there is nothing more to be said.

And you just nod, because she knows how much you love her. Then you clear your throat and you finally tell her, and she doesn't even have to think twice about it. She says it back, and that is the final thing you needed. And you know that you'll be okay. You both will be okay.

* * *

><p><strong>First, thank you so much for the amazing feedback on the first chapter. It was only intended to be one one shot, but the reviews, follows, and favorites that I got made me want to keep it going. So, a series of one shots it is. Thank you all so much. <strong>

**So, much darker than anything I have ever written, but it was interesting to look at them from this angle. It is always a challenge to go out of your comfort zone, so I hope that I at least did a good job with this. This was much different than anything I have ever written, but because it was different, I had to go places that I've never gone as a writer. I hope you guys enjoyed it, even though it was pretty dark. Reviews and suggestions are lovely. **

**Thanks again for reading. **


	3. Forever

**Alex**

That whole love at first sight thing is a great little theory, and sure people can believe it, if they want. But it's not how it happened for you. Actually you really didn't like Piper at all when you first met her. She was kind of judgy, waspy, and uptight. Sure she was drop dead gorgeous, but there was nothing there really. No spark. Actually you both fought with each other the first night because she corrected how you phrased something, and it kind of pissed you off, so you told her, and apparently this gorgeous blonde wasn't used to that, and didn't take it very well.

It wasn't until that one night though, after your party when you noticed an odd noise coming from your bathroom, and you pushed your way inside and found her hovering over your toilet, clinging to it like she might die if she lost it. That's when things changed for you two. That's really where your story with Piper Chapman begins.

Because you held her hair back, and rubbed her back for most of the night, and her fucking so called friends ditched her at your house, leaving her there helpless and drunk as hell. You get her cleaned up and take her into your little bedroom and lay her down, wrapped up in an old t shirt that you have because that dress she wore over here is kind of disgusting. And you check on her all night, eventually passing out on the couch.

Your mom walks in and sees the beer bottles, but since there isn't that much of a mess, she doesn't wake you up. That is until she goes into your bedroom and sees the blonde passed out on your bed, in your t-shirt, with a trashcan next to her. What a hell of a first impression. Your mother comes and shoves you awake and asks you who that is, and you tell her that she is Piper Chapman, and what all happened last night, and she can't help but laugh, because it kind of reminds her of her younger days of partying. And as you two talk, for the first real time in a while, because your mom is always so busy, the blonde stumbles out into your living room, shading her eyes and looking for her clothes that she wore over here.

She startles when you clear your throat, and you ask how she's feeling and she tells you not so good, so you get up and grab some Advil and a glass of water. You here your mom say nice meeting you and she slips into her bedroom, leaving you two alone.

You hand her the pills and she eagerly takes them, and apologizes for last night. You assure her it's totally okay, and that she actually isn't the first person to end the party clinging to the toilet in this apartment. She laughs, but her headache is obvious from how she winces. And it kind of makes you sad, because right now she is really fucking cute in your old band t-shirt, and her blonde hair all disheveled, and her cheeks kind of flushed, and you didn't realize how blue her eyes are until right now. And you kind of get lost in the moment for a second, but when she says your name again, you pull back in and snap out of the fog.

And you walk into the living room and she awkwardly follows you and sits on the opposite end of the couch. You look over and laugh to yourself at the sight. She is in a t-shirt of a band, who you are 99% sure she has never heard of before, in an apartment in a neighborhood she probably didn't even know existed, and sitting next to you, a person she doesn't really care for. You get up and walk into your room and grab a pair of sweatpants and toss them at her, and she slips them on, pulling her knees to her chest.

That entire day is spent watching movies and talking. Surprisingly, you two have more in common than you thought. And you actually like her, and you find yourself lost in conversation and realize it's now 5 pm, and you ask if she has to go anywhere. She finds her phone and calls who you assume is her mother and tells her that she is staying at a friend's house, and then some arguing, but she hangs up and joins you back on the couch. You grab the phone and order pizza, and continue to talk to Piper Chapman of all people. And you are actually really enjoying yourself.

And when the pizza gets there you take it into the kitchen and bring out the box to the couch. And it's nice. Talking to someone, because you're kind of a loner and don't really talk to many people. Not even when you were in school school. But you like talking to her, and it seems that she likes talking to you. And into the night you watch movies and she listens to the music you like, and next thing you know, she is leaning up against you, and her breathing slows, and she falls asleep on you, and then you get a funny feeling, like you need to take care of her, so you gently lay her down on the couch, and cover her with a blanket, and you normally would go to sleep in your own bed, but instead you throw a pillow onto the floor and lay down, the happiest you've felt in a long time.

And when you wake up in the morning and grab your glasses, you catch her staring at you, which normally you would find totally creepy, but because it's her, you don't. And that's when you know you're in trouble.

**Piper**

And you start spending a lot of time with Alex. After that weekend, you two are inseparable. You practically live there. And you feel like you can tell her anything. And you trust her more than anyone, which is surprising, because you don't trust very many people. But you're scared because you find yourself falling for Alex. And it's not the fact that she's a woman, it's that you are 17 years old and you have never been in love, but you think that's what this is. And you don't know if Alex feels the same way. Sure, you catch her stare lingering on your for a bit from time to time, and sometimes she tucks your hair behind your ear, and yes, when you two fell asleep on the couch last weekend, you woke tangled in her arms, but you two never talked about it because it's uncharted territory for the both of you. And it's scary. But one night when you are laying on her bed next to her looking at the stick-on stars on her ceiling, you watch every detail of her face in the dim light, and she looks over at you. And it is like time stops, and before you know it, she leans over and captures your lips in a gentle kiss, and it's like all the months that you've spent with her were leading up to this moment, and this is right. And you tangle your fingers in the hair and it's slow, but strong, and has so much passion. And you pull away for air, and she rests her forehead against yours and then pulls back to look you in the eyes. And a small smile appears and you kiss her back.

Her hands find their way under your shirt, well actually it's her shirt, and she pulls it over your head, and she rids herself of hers, and you realize you have no bra on and she tells you how beautiful you are, and you don't feel self-conscious, like when you're with guys, and you worry if you're good enough. With Alex it is different, because she tells you you're beautiful, and that you're perfect, and you don't need to worry. She reaches behind her and unhooks her bra, tossing it aside, and she moves her hands to your stomach, and then up to your breasts. And you can't help but gasp at the touch. And she nips at your neck.

You look at her, topless, on top of you, and you feel the pair of underwear you're wearing quickly become ruined, and then you reach up and take her breasts in your hands and she hisses out your name, stopping her motions for a split second. And she leans back, sitting on her knees in between your legs and then she leans forward and kisses a line down your stomach and when she gets to the hem of your jeans, she stops and looks up at you. And you nod yes, because you really want her right now, and she unbuttons them, and slides them down your legs. All either you have on is underwear and she asks your one more time before she slides them down dangerously slow, and it takes everything you have to not rip them down yourself, but you lay still. She removes hers and she slides back up you, kissing you a bit rougher than before, but you like it.

And you know she's been with a woman before, but you haven't and this is all new. Because the few guys you've slept with have never taken this much time, and given this much attention to every inch of you, and you are loving it. And then she kisses back down that trail and you tense up because of what's about to happen. And she looks back up at you with those green eyes that look almost black now, and she asks for permission one last time. And she kisses the inside of your thigh, and inches closer and closer until she meets your center.

Sex has always been good for you, but sex with Alex is something else. It is a whole other level. It isn't just sex, it is making love. The way she touches you, and the way she makes you feel is something you've never experienced. Sex with Alex Vause is life changing, revolutionary, and spell binding. And she leaves you screaming her name, gasping for breath, and it changes anything you have ever thought about sex. Because she is the best you've ever had.

When she comes back up to you, and kisses your chest, and then you pull her to your lips and kiss her, tasting yourself on her lips, and you rest your foreheads together she asks you how it was, and you tell her it was amazing, and then you get nervous, and she asks you what's wrong. So you get up the courage to ask if you can try on her, and she laughs at your innocence, and she tells you that you don't have to ask, and it puts you at ease. She kisses you, and tells you that it's up to you, and that you can wait it you want. But you're ready. Nervous. But ready.

And you pull her into a deeper kiss, pushing her over so you can get on top of her. And you kiss her jawline, down her neck, nipping gently, and your hands roam down her toned stomach, and your nails scrape her skin making her moan lightly. And you take your time massaging her breasts, continuing your assault on her neck, and you start kissing down the valley of her breasts, down her stomach, and kissing her hipbones. You look up into her eyes, and notice her flushed cheeks, and it makes you somewhat proud that you have turned Alex Vause into this sweaty flushed mess of a woman, and you bring your lips back up to hers, before your slip your fingers down to her center, and gently dive into her. And she gasps, and you smile into her lips. You start slow, and increase your speed, and she bucks her hips into your hand, and that presses your thumb harder onto her sensitive bundle of nerves and she cries out in pleasure. And you whisper into her ear that you want to taste what she tastes like, and she moans your name, which almost makes you come undone for the second time that night. And you kiss down her stomach, and then on the juncture of her thigh, and then you taste how good Alex tastes, and she wraps her fingers in your hair, almost painfully hard, but it's okay, and her legs tremble, and you know she is close. So close, and then she finally loses all control, and in a hoarse voice cries out your name into the dark silence of the room, and you are so fucking thankful that Diane is at work. You make your way back up to Alex's face and she is still coming off of that high, and you kiss her shoulders, and she looks into your eyes and your forehead falls into her collarbone from exhaustion and the feeling of being complete for a minute, and she runs her hand up your back, and you fall to her side, sweaty bodies clinging to each other. She kisses the top of your head, and stares up at the ceiling. And that's when you know that there is nobody else that you ever want to lay in bed with but Alex, and you're not scared, you feel like this is right. The silence stays there, and it isn't uncomfortable, it is so raw and real, and you two drift off to sleep in each other's arms, which isn't the first time that's happened, but this time it is different. It's better.

**Alex**

You have to hide your relationship with Piper from lots of people, which sucks, but it those times when she's laying with you on the couch, her head resting on your shoulder, and you smell her shampoo or when she grabs you hand in the car that make having to hide worth it.

The one person you don't have to hide it from is Diane, because she could tell right away. And she gets it, and most of all she's happy for you. Both of you. And you are so fucking happy. You love Piper.

The first time you told her was a couple of weeks after the first time you slept together. You're lying on the hood of her car at sunset, on the side of a lake that was off of some old back road that she knew about. You're watching the stars, her tucked under your arm and pulled in close to your side, playing with your sweatshirt hoodie strings. And you whisper it into her ear, and she looks into your eyes, the twinkle taking over is all you can see, and she says it back. Quietly, but you hear it, and you smile to the sky, and she snuggles in closer to you. She gets up, pulling you off the hood of the car with her and she lets go of your hand, running into the tall grass, dancing and jumping like a little kid, and you can't hide the smile on your face. Watching her golden hair twirl in the setting sunlight, the hem of her shirt lifting with every jump she makes. Her smile brighter than the sun. Piper she laughs and is so unbelievably happy. She skips through the tall grass and stops in the middle of the field, her back towards you, and you walk slowly towards her. You wrap your arms around her waist, kissing her shoulder, and smiling into her skin. Her hands meet yours, and she leans back into you, her hand coming up to rest against your cheek as you two stand together in the summer breeze.

She turns into you, putting her arms around your neck and looking up at you, and you kiss her. You lift her up, and she wraps her toned legs around your waist.

It's like time stops when you're with her. All the problems in your life, with work, money, being an outsider…they all go away when you're with her. With her, you're not an outsider, you're an insider, the most important person in her life. You see the way she looks at you, when she thinks you aren't paying attention. It's with nothing but love. And it makes your insides feel like they're on fire, and like you can't breathe.

And at night when you're wrapped in the sheets with her and she is fast asleep, you watch her chest rise and fall. You look at how her hair swoops over her face. How her eyes flutter every so often. How her lips stay slightly parted, and that cute little noise that escapes from them. And when she reaches out for you in the middle of the night, searching for you, it makes you feel like the most important person in the world. Like you're her everything. Because God knows she is your everything. And you don't know what the hell you would do without her. Because life with her is so much better than life without. Because life without her would be a life not worth living. And you're shocked on a daily basis with how much you love her, how deeply you love her, and how you would show her how much you love her. You would do anything for that girl. And she has you so tightly wrapped around her finger, but you wouldn't want it any other way.

**Piper**

You love her so much, and it's been this way for almost a year. And you're tired of hiding it from people. Most of all your parents. Because you want them to know that someone in this world love you, besides them. That you have found someone to love, and someone you can't live without.

Alex begs to tell them with you, but you want to tell them alone.

You tell your brother Cal first, and he is really too stoned to care about much of anything and just says that he is cool with it, which is fine, but it doesn't matter as much as what you're parents are going to say.

You're terrified. They're not open people, even though your father has had so many mistresses that you would need a book to keep track, and that your mother was a shut off, raging alcoholic that is so cold she doesn't really care about much of anything.

So at 17, you sit your parents down in the living room of the home where you've grown up, and you can see that they're concerned.

And for some stupid fucking reason, your mother starts rambling, and it's got to be the alcohol, but you really just want to tell her to shut the fuck up, but you deal with it.

And so you open your mouth. And you tell them that you're in love. When they ask with who, you say with Alex. They know Alex, but their closed minds are assuming this "Alex" is a different one. A guy, because there's no way that their little girl could be talking about being in love with a woman. So you have to clarify that you are in fact in love, madly in love, with Alex Vause. The woman.

And they are shocked. Your mother gets up and walks away, not wanting to hear any part of it. And your eyes sting with tears. And your father tells you that it's probably just a stage, and you actually audibly laugh. And he gets angry, and tells you absolutely not. That this isn't an option.

You tell him that it isn't a choice. That you love her. So much. And that Alex loves you. You chase after your mother who has gone to security blanket, which is that bottle of gin that she keeps on top of the refrigerator. And she says something like we can get you help, and you yell at her. You tell her that even if you could change that fact that you love her, that there is no way in hell that you ever would. That she is the best thing that's ever happened to you. And you ask what is wrong with them? How can they be so close-minded?

Then you are blindsided when you're given an ultimatum. Either you continue living under their roof, under their ridiculous rules, without Alex, or you choose Alex and you leave, and you're no longer their responsibility, and for all you know, it could mean the end of your relationship.

You don't even have to think twice about it. Alex. It's Alex. It's always been Alex. And you grab the few essentials from the room you grew up in, and you leave, not living with your parents anymore, and you drive to Alex's place, and you walk up to their door and knock. Alex answers, confused as to why you're there, but of course happy to see you, and you wrap your arms around her and let out a sob. She pulls you in and sit on the couch, pulling you into her lap, and you cling to her. The only constant in your life right now.

You tell her that they told her to choose, and you tell her how much you love her, and that you chose her. Because you chose love over control. And she holds you tight, and thanks you, and tells you everything is going to be alright. And she wipes the tears from your eyes, and pushes back your hair, and she takes you in. Because you need her more than anything in the world. And she knows that.

**Alex**

She moves in with you and your mom, which is great, because now you get to see her whenever you want. When she isn't at school, she's here, in your arms, in your bed, in your home. It's amazing. And your mom is so supportive, which you are so incredibly thankful for, because you have no idea what you would ever do without her.

The Saturday mornings when Piper gets up and makes you breakfast, and when she leaves cute notes on her way out the door for you to find when you get out of bed after working a long night. The way her face crinkles up when she laughs, or how her voice gets when she's tired. It's those things that make you love her.

It's also when you two lay in bed for hours in the middle of the night, talking about your hopes and dreams. What you want in the future. And it's scary talking about it, but you know you're talking to the right person about it, because she's the one you want in your future.

And you talk about everything. Marriage, houses, pets, damn; she even brings up babies, which you never thought was something you wanted, but the thought of that gorgeous blonde woman next to you with a baby makes you want that one day. And you're okay with planning for the future and talking about these things with her, because you know it is all inevitable. She is inevitable to you.

You watch her walk across the field at graduation, and see her smile light up when you yell her name as she takes her diploma. She runs to you after they all toss their caps into the air, and kisses you. In front of all these people. She's done hiding it, and it is such a relief that you two can finally really be a true couple. And sure there is going to be people who have something to say about you two, but honestly it doesn't matter. Because you're standing there on the field, and her arms are around your neck and she looks absolutely beautiful. Your mom captures the picture, and it's one of your favorites. You lift her up, spinning her around and tell her how proud of her you are.

Diane has to work the night of Piper's graduation, so you make her a nice dinner, and pull a few beers from the fridge. It's just you two in the kitchen. You're washing dishes, and you feel her wrap around your waist, and lean her head into your back, and you can't help but smile. Placing the plate into the sink and drying your hand on a rag next to the sink, you turn around to face her, cupping her cheeks in your hands. Her blue eyes sparkling back at you, and her hair is still a little windblown from the ceremony. She tells you thank you for everything, and then says that she loves you, and you say it back, kissing her gently.

You lift her up, and sit her on the counter behind her, and she wraps her fingers in your hair, pulling you in deeper to the kiss. You kiss her jawline and down her neck, and she throws her head back, exposing the intricate veins running down her neck, and you bite at her pulse point, soothing it quickly with your tongue. Your hands slip under her shirt and cup her breasts through her bra. And she arches into your hands. Her hands slip from your hand down to your shirt, pulling it over your head, and then she unhooks your bra, slipping it off and letting it fall on the floor. You rip her shirt off as your kissing grows quicker , and you pull away, biting softly on her bottom lip as you toss her bra behind you and you look down at her perfectly smooth bronzed skin. You feel her hand drag down your stomach and then dip down into the hem of your shorts. You reach down and slide them off, and then tug hers off, sliding her underwear down with them. You kisses down to her chest, giving each breast your undivided attention, while she scratches down your back, painful, but incredibly hot. And you hold her hips steady pulling her closer to the edge of the counter and you kiss down her sweaty stomach and down to the crease of her thigh, and then you look back up to see her, head back on the cabinet door, biting her bottom lip hard enough that you're surprised it hasn't drawn blood. And you smile because it's the hottest thing you've ever seen, and then you give her exactly what she wants.

And as you go down on her, she whimpers and clings to the cabinet door. Breathlessly saying your name as you draw her closer and closer to her breaking point, and she is only being kept in place by your hands holding her down, and her hands fly down to your hair pulling you in closer, and you hear her start to come undone. Her head hits the cabinets, her heels dig into your back, and she arches up, screaming your name so loud that you know the neighbors know exactly what is going on in apartment C3. And you lick her clean, kissing a trail back up to that panting, blonde mess of a woman that you love so much. She can't breathe and you just pick her up and carry her to bed.

When she catches her breath, she turns to you, staring you dead in the eye, that tired smile showing, and she says that nobody has ever loved anybody as much as she loves you. And you pull her sweaty body into yours, noticing how perfect you fit together, and you tell Piper how much you love her, and that it's never going to change.

**Piper**

You have no plans at the moment. The only thing you are sure of is that you want to be with Alex. That's the only thing in your life that you know you want.

You're sitting at the breakfast table with Diane one morning when you ask her something that kind of catches her off guard. You ask her if she's ever been in love.

She sits there for a minute before she says yes, she's been in love. She loves Alex, more than anything in the world. But with all the men she's ever been with, it mostly it was all just lust that felt like love for a minute, but it wasn't in the end. And you think that over for a second before she asks you why you asked her that.

You tell her that you love Alex, more than anything. It's obvious to everyone, and she just nods. She tells you that the love that you two have is something that you should never let go of, not for a single minute. Because that kind of love is something that only comes around once. So you better fucking hold on to it forever.

That conversation sticks with you for weeks, and one night when you're laying on the roof of your apartment, watching the stars and the airplanes in the dark sky, the only light coming from the end of Alex's cigarette, you turn to face her. How the moon is shining on her pale skin and how she slowly takes a drag off the cigarette, blowing out the cloud of smoke.

She tells you staring is weird, and that you should probably not do it, and you shove her shoulder a bit as she laughs at you. And as you watch her, you don't even think about it for a second before your mouth opens and you simply ask her to marry you.

She chokes on the smoke, sitting up and looking at you asking you what you just asked her. And you repeat it. Because you really mean it. It isn't an impulse thing, because it's all you've been thinking about for a while now.

You love her so much that it hurts. You'd kill for her. Just to see her smile. Just to see her happy. Just to be with her. You'd do anything for her, and you tell her that. And she listens to every word you say.

You tell her that you don't want to ever be without her, and that she's the only person that you are ever going to want in your life. And that you're ready for whatever is going to happen, because you know that if she is by your side that you can do absolutely anything.

You take her hand, watching her eyes light up as they search yours. And she asks you if you're really sure because she doesn't want you to be rushing into anything.

You tell her that you're sure, and that you're sorry there isn't any fancy proposal, or that you can't afford a ring, and that you two aren't in nice dresses, but instead in old band t-shirts and shorts on the roof of the very old apartment.

And she takes your hand, and looks at it for a minute and then looks up at you and she says yes. And you pull her on top of you, kissing her frantically and thanking her over and over again.

And in that moment, it's all perfect, and it's electric, and it's everything your relationship with her is in a physical form. You don't care what anyone is going to say. If they say you're too young, or not thinking straight, or rushing into things, you don't care because you are sure.

So as you lay on the roof with Alex, wrapped up in the warm summer air, your head resting on her chest, you promise her that you're going to love her forever, and that one day you'll give her a ring, but for now, your word will have to do. She says okay.

**Alex**

You had always assumed you'd be the one to ask her. You knew one day it was inevitable that you would marry her, because there is no one else in the world that you would ever choose.

When Piper asks you on that roof, it takes you by surprise, but it is so perfect, and it really did make so much sense.

You both tell Diane, and of course she cries, and she is so totally on board with it, and tells you both how happy she is for you. And that she wants to be there.

Piper's parents are so fucking pissed, but neither of you care. Cal is so excited, and happy for you two, which is amazing.

You're laying in bed one night a few weeks later when you tell her that you don't think you really want a big wedding or anything. That maybe just a quick little ceremony would be good. And she thinks about it for a second and she agrees with you, because the only people she wants there are your mom and her brother. You couldn't agree more.

So it isn't made into a big deal, it's quiet, and just them two. Your mom does your hair, and you wear a nice outfit, and Piper is wearing a beautiful dress and her hair is done in loose curls, and she is just absolutely beautiful. And it's simple and quick, and you read a short set of vows because you just want to get to the part where you can call Piper your wife. And when the official says that you can kiss your bride, you pull her into you, kissing her softly, and her hand travels to the back of your neck. And you pull back to look and see happy tears in her eyes, and you kiss her forehead, turning hand in hand to face your mother and Cal. Your mom is crying, and Cal has a smile a mile wide, and they both hug you, telling you that they're very happy for you.

You two get back to the apartment and put your stuff in the truck that you managed to buy after working for a year to put a payment on it. Loading up your lives, and deciding that it's time to take off with your wife and get out of this town. You don't have much money, a fancy car, or much of anything really, but you have each other. And after saying goodbye to your mom, tears and all, and telling her that you'll both be okay, you open the door for Piper, and let her get in before you hug her one last time, getting into the driver's side, and pulling out of the apartment complex that you've called home for years. You pull onto the highway, and her hand brushes yours on the center console as you drive down the empty highway in the dead of night. You look over, and she really couldn't be more beautiful. Her thumbnail trails over your knuckles, and it sends tingles through your body. It's the little things. And you squeeze her hand, never wanting to let her go, not even for a second. And she looks over at you with those blue eyes, and flashes you that smile that makes you love her so much. And you know that you made the right choice, because there is no body else in the world that you would ever do this with, and there's nobody else you'd ever want to do this with. And you ride off into the night with her, turning the chapter in your story.

**Epilogue**

**Piper**

All those years ago when you decided tat you wanted to marry Alex, you knew it was right. You two left the only town you'd ever known, and set off on your own. Settling in several different places over the years. Finally work lands you both on the west coast, and that's where you stay.

All these years later, and all the experiences you've had together have made your love grow stronger. Sure you were young and in love, and maybe a bit reckless, but you two have some amazing stories to tell. Traveling the country, and eventually when you had enough money from working, you traveled to other countries together, experiencing everything together. And you lived life on the edge with Alex, and every day was an adventure.

That's not really your style anymore, but it's still exciting.

And today she walks in with a bouquet of roses, like the ones on her tattoo, and kisses you good morning, telling you Happy Valentine's Day. You're so lucky to have loved someone for this long.

And your love for her has grown deeper through the years, and through the experiences, and through the tough times. Because you sure as hell know that there have been tough times. But you two work, and make sense. And you always pull through. And she is the most amazing, strongest, bravest woman you've ever known.

And now that it is 20 years since you married Alex in that small ceremony, and so much has changed for you two, but the fact that you are madly, crazily, head over heals, in love with that Alex Vause.

And she has given you so much over the years, and you're forever grateful for that night in her apartment over 20 years ago.

**Alex**

You still show her how much you love her every day, because you feel like you have to make up for all she has given you over the passed 20 years. And you bring her those roses, and crawl into the bed with her, pulling her in close, and tucking a strand of that still very blonde hair behind her ear, and kissing her lips. You tell her that you love her and that you have a day planned for her, and she should expect lots of gifts, and then later tonight she better be prepared for what all you have in store for her, which makes her blush a little bit.

And as the sunlight shines in through the window, you two enjoy these few moments of quiet before the day really begins, and children have to be taken to school, and the dog has to be fed, and before life takes hold.

But these quiet moments with just you two are what you love, and you hold her tight. As tight as you did that night you first made love all those years ago. After 20 years, the love has grown, and it's so strong that nothing could ever break it.

The peaceful silence of the morning is broken by the sound of one of the kids running down the hall, and she smiles that smile at you that reminds you of that day in the field, and you kiss her lips and tell her that you love her. _Forever._

**A/N: First, apologies for such a long wait. Lots of things going on, and not much time for writing. School has to come first, but I did have time tonight, so this is what happened. Second, more apologies if there are lots of typos, because my birthday celebration as gotten me a bit tipsy, and even though I have read through 3 times, I am sure there are things I have missed. I really hope you liked this. It is very much Young Blood inspired, but just spun into my own story. Like I said, I really hope you enjoyed this very fluffy bit of young, and then adult, Vauseman. I am desperate for Season 3, and coping with it means writing them as total endgame because I miss their relationship oh so much.**

**Thanks for the follows, favorites, and reviews. They're lovely, and I really appreciate them. Let me know what you think!**


	4. Friends With Benefits

**This is loosely based off of the two movies, _No String Attached_, and _Friends With Benefits_. A bit of smut and Vauseman for you. Hope you like it!**

**Piper**

You're at a party that you don't really want to be at. The only reason you're there is because Polly begged you to go out. She said you've been depressing to be around ever since you broke up with Larry, which you're not even sure why you're like that because you weren't even that into him. He was average looking, kind of charming, sometimes funny, and okay in bed. You're not missing much.

Physical contact. That's what you're missing. They say the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else. So that's really the only reason you're out tonight, because sex is what you're looking for.

You need to loosen up before you even attempt to go talk to someone, so you take a couple shots with Polly, and then sit back at the bar until you see someone.

You're scanning the room when you see someone out of the corner of your eye sit next to you. It's a woman. A really hot woman.

Tall, creamy skin, jet-black hair, blood red lipstick, and emerald eyes. She's insanely hot, and you can see her staring you down, so you turn towards her. She bites on the tip of her stirring straw, and before you can say anything she says Alex. Her name is Alex. And you lean into the bar. Piper. You tell her your name is Piper. And she gives you this devilish smile.

You're attracted to men and women. Hot people in general, well except for Larry, but that was just a lapse in judgment, to be quite honest.

You study her face, and she asks you if you're here with anyone, and you tell her no. She smiles again, takes a look at what you're drinking, and asks the bartender for another. You thank her, and take the drink.

You don't want to come off as desperate, but you definitely up your game for her, scooting in closer, laughing at everything she says, brushing her hand with the tips of your finger.

You know you've had too much to drink, but it's okay, because you feel so fucking good. You catch yourself staring at her lips, wondering what magical things she can do with them, and she obviously notices it, and asks you if you want to get out of here.

You look around, seeing Polly talking to some man with an obnoxiously loud voice flirting across the room, and you figure she'll be fine on her own, so you say yes. Alex pays the tab, helps you with your coat, takes your hand, and leads you out into the cool fall air.

She hails a taxi, and opens the door for you, sliding in after you. You can barely contain yourself as her fingernails trail up and down your exposed thigh. She inches dangerously close to your center, and you can't sit still, lifting up just a little bit, and she quickly moves her hand back, so you let out an irritated quiet moan. The driver keeps a close eye on you two, making sure it doesn't go any further until you exit the cab.

You follow her up the stairs, into the elevator. She pins you up against the wall, sucking on your neck, and you know there will be bruises left. You cry out as she bites on your pulse point. The elevator comes to a stop, and she pulls away, leaving you breathing heavily. She takes your hand and leads you a door all the way down at the end of the hall. She fumbles with the keys for a minute, and unlocks the door, pulling you in. She spins you around, pinning you to the door, and you are done for.

**Alex**

What a pretty young thing that you found sitting alone at the bar. You didn't have her pegged as the promiscuous type, until you noticed her very obvious flirting, and how she leaned into you. You know you had to have her. Eyes raking over her long legs, imagining them wrapped around your neck, those nimble fingers around the stem of her martini that you imagine twisting in your hair, and you desperately want to see what's under that low cut dress, because you know it has got to be just magical, based on how it is hugging her curves.

You get into your apartment, slamming her into the door, not too hard, but hard enough. She moans out your name as you latch onto her neck. Little bruises forming.

You reach behind her, trying to undo her dress, but it's taking too long, so you grab both side of the zipper and rip it apart. She yells your name, and you tell her you'll buy her a new one, and you kiss her with everything you have. The ripped dress falls to the floor, and she kicks her heels off. You knew she didn't have a bra on since the dress was cut so low, and you take her breasts into your hands, and she gasps as her nipple strain against your palms. You remove your hands, and take off your pants and she starts unbuttoning your shirt until it also falls off. You reach behind yourself, unclasping your bra and tossing it somewhere in the foyer.

Your hands trail all over her body, scratching down her toned stomach, and down the inside of her thigh. You bring it back up, feeling the soaked fabric of her laced panties. She moans at your touch. You slide off your own underwear, and kneel down, kissing the inside of her thighs. She braces herself on the door, and you hook her right leg over your shoulder. You inhale her scent, which sends a rush of heat to your core, and you almost come undone at the sight of her in front of you.

You waste no time, as you hear her whining above you. Your fingers run through her folds, and she tenses up. You bring your fingers to your lips, sucking the sweet wetness off of them, and moan at the taste.

Your mouth comes down hard on her, and you hear her head slam into the door, and her cry out, but she is okay. Tongue running up and down several times before diving in, and her hands fly into your hair, holding on for dear life. It's just how you imagined it would feel. You move your fingers up to her opening, and then thrust in, and she screams out your name. Keeping a steady motion, and sucking away at her, as she starts to come undone. You feel her legs start to shake, she pulls tighter at your hair, and you can barely keep her still. She bends and arches, and her screams and moans turn silent because she can't breathe.

You bring her down slowly from her high, and she is so sensitive. The slightest touch making her whole body jerk. You gently unhook her leg, and support her, unsure if she can even stand by herself. She leans into you, heavy breathing, chest heaving, sweaty forehead leaned into your collarbone.

She pants out something like oh my God, and holds onto you. She sinks down the front of the door, and you sit in front of her, eventually laying down on the cool hardwood floor.

She says wow, and you just say yeah. You feel proud of yourself, leaving her in this state of bliss. You rub her shins that are stretched out in front of her.

We should do that more often, she says, and you laugh, and tell her okay. No feelings. No emotions. No commitment. Just sex. And she agrees.

**Piper**

You never really thought of yourself as a very sexual person. But something about Alex brings out that person who must've been somewhere deep inside of you. It's like everyone you had ever been with before Alex didn't really know what sex was. You didn't know sex could be this good. You didn't know that sex could leave you in a haze after, leave you craving more, leave you powerless. It's addicting. You are addicted to sex with Alex Vause.

When she texts you in the middle of the night, you are more than willing to crawl out of bed, and head over to her apartment. Lunch breaks. Casual afternoon hookups after your parents leave, and your mother has chastised you for not settling down and giving her grandchildren. So much sex, and you love every minute of it.

You can always count on her, too. If you need a pick me up, she's there within the hour, dropping whatever she's doing to be with you.

Your best friend Polly finds out, and says that you're too old for a fuck buddy, and you just tell her that she is jealous. Because you are having the best sex of your life, and she isn't getting any at all.

Alex pushes you out of your comfort zone, making you try things you never thought you would before. If you ever feel uncomfortable, she quickly stops whatever she's doing, and she gets it. She never pushes you into anything you don't want to do.

Probably the most favorite thing that you've tried with her was when she tied you with those silk ties to her headboard. She had her way with you, and it was magical, mind-blowing, Earth shaking even. She makes you feel things that you didn't know were even possible.

You make sure you give as good as you get, and based off of her reactions, moans, and the red scratch marks down your back, you've been doing a damn good job. There is nothing hotter than seeing Alex, cheeks flushed, gripping the headboard, biting onto her bottom lip, and hearing her scream your name as she explodes. Seeing someone so strong, confident, skillful unravel under your touch and body is amazing, and you never get tired of it.

You spend so much time with her that when you go more than two days without seeing her, it feels weird, and you have to call her over. Apart from the life changing orgasms she gives you, you really like spending time with her. Her smartass comments, the tone of her voice, how well you two get along even when you're not having sex is amazing.

She is your friend with incredible benefits, and you love it. Because you're not looking for anything more right now, and you don't want to mess up what you two have going. Because this casual hookup and hang out situation is working so well for the both of you. Secretly, you are both terrified of commitment, terrified of concrete plans, and settling down.

You both are pretty messed up, emotionally damaged, young, and looking for a thrill. And you both found quite the thrill.

**Alex**

This agreement you have with Piper is perfect. Casual, detached, easy. You get called out for work, and you find out that you're going to out of the country for a month, and usually you don't mind it. But you think about Piper, and you think about how you're not going to get to see her for a month, and you feel kind of sad. But for a second, it's not that you're going to miss the sex, it's that you're going to miss her. And you shove those feelings deep inside you, and you go over to her place.

You tell her, and you see something about her expression change, and you try to not let it bother you, and bring back those feeling you came across earlier. You promise her that when you get back, you will have all the "making up for lost time" sex that she can handle. She gives a small smile, and nods.

While you're gone, you talk to her all the time. Texts, Skype, the occasional dirty Snapchat picture or video. It's great and all, but it's not the same as when you're actually there.

You find yourself in kind of a funk, and your boss notices it, and offers to take you and the rest of the employees out for the night. You agree, putting on something sexy and heading out to the clubs. After a while, a cute redhead comes up to you, obviously flirting and trying hard to win you over. You play into it for a while, letting her sit on your lap, whisper in her ear, and run your hand over her waist. She stands up, and takes your hand, leading you to the bathroom.

She closes the door, locks it, and kisses you. It's an okay kiss. Not great. It sure as hell isn't as good as when Piper kisses you. You kiss back momentarily, and when she tries to take off your dress, you have to stop her and tell her that you can't do this. For some reason you feel dirty. And if this was a few months ago, you would have already had your way with her, and had her screaming your name. But something about all of this feels wrong, and you apologize to this confused girl, and exit the bathroom, fixing your hair. You tell your boss that you're going back to the hotel, and you leave. On the way there you call Piper, telling her that you can't wait to be home. You leave out the whole bar fiasco, and just listen to her talk about her day. You missed her voice.

That month drags by, and you actually get to go home a few days early. You don't even go to your place first. You immediately head to Piper's apartment, knock on the door, and she answers it a minute later. Her face lights up and she wraps her arms around your neck, hugging you tightly. You breathe in her vanilla scent, and hug her back. She asks what you're doing here, and you explain that you got off early, and that you figured you'd come by.

Her smile fades, and you ask her what's wrong. She tells you that she can't have sex with you for a few more days, and you look at her confused before you realize what she's saying. You get it. It's all part of being a woman. Usually you'd be kind of disappointed, but you're actually totally okay with it, because you really just want to spend time with her.

You sit in bed watching movies. You rub her back when she complains about her cramps, and soon she falls asleep. Sleep must have come over you not long after, because you wake up, curled up behind her, with her pulled in close to you. Shit. What have you done? You scoot out of bed, grab you things, and leave the apartment.

**Piper**

You were so happy to see her, and you didn't fully realize how much you actually missed her until she was standing at your apartment door. You missed her so much. Her voice, her soft skin, her smile, her warmth. You're slightly embarrassed (ridiculous, you know) when you have to decline sex with her because you're on your fucking period, but she is fine with it; not like there was anything you could do about it anyways. When she offers to just watch movies with you, you are surprised, but you are relieved she wants to stay with you. Your cramps are really bad, and when she starts rubbing your lower back, she takes away some of the pain, and her warm hands sooth you, putting you to sleep.

But when you wake up, she isn't in the bed with you. You get up, and she is actually nowhere in the apartment, and you think that's strange. She didn't even say goodbye. You check your phone. Nothing. You text her. No response.

Did you do something? Nothing you can think of. You let it go for a couple of days, and you finally call her. She answers and you ask her where the hell she's been. She apologizes, and says work has been insane. You tell her it's fine, even though you're kind of pissed off about the whole thing. She asks if you want to do lunch in an hour and you say okay, and she tells you to meet her downtown at a little café.

You walk in and she's already there. She waves you over, and you walk over and sit down, smiling at her, pretending like you're not still totally confused by her actions the other day.

She looks, well there's no other way to put it, beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. She's not hot anymore. She is beautiful. You catch yourself staring, and she asks you what is your deal, and you play it off saying that you're really tired.

Lunch is kind of awkward, because you're unsure of what to do with these feelings that you're finding yourself having for her. But when she asks if you want to her place for the "making up for lost time" sex that she had promised you, you accept, because you really just want to spend time with her.

Something about this time is different. It isn't so rushed, and rough, and primal. Alex takes her time with you. Kissing over every inch of your body. Soft and slow, but passionate and hot. She gives light touches and caresses, and it is drawn out. She brings you to that edge, and you feel like you're going to pass out from pleasure as you tumble over the edge, and she holds you firmly through it all. This lasts for hours. Back in forth. You and then her. By the time you are too tired to even move, she collapses at your side, head laying on your chest and she tells you that was amazing, as she traces patterns into your skin with her fingertip.

You feel tears sting your eyes, because it was the most incredible feeling you've ever felt. You felt so loved and worshipped for hours. You let the tears fall silently because right then you know what has been bothering you since she left.

You love her. You love Alex. And this casual hookup deal is breaking you, and you don't know how she feels. You feel helpless, but you just lay there.

She looks up at you, and sees the wetness on your cheeks, and you can't hold it in anymore. You put it all out there. Your feelings. You are raw and open for her. She just looks at you, and she doesn't know what to say. And she tells you that she needs some time to think, and she says she's sorry she can't say anything back just right now, and you feel like your heart has been ripped out of your chest. And she leaves.

**Alex**

When you saw her crying, and then she poured her heart out there like that you froze. You froze because you know that everything she is saying, you feel too. But you're not like her and you can't say anything back. You're silent, and you tell her you have to go. You hate yourself for it as you hear her muffled cries as you walk out the front door.

You get into you apartment, and slump against the door. Sobs rise from your chest, and you don't even know why. Why does Piper make you feel this way? Why are you so fucked up that you couldn't even say anything back to her? Why are you like this? So shut off, emotionally unstable, and broken.

You realize you have made a terrible mistake and you pull yourself together, and grab your keys, sprinting down the stairs of your apartment all the way back to Piper's.

Her door is still unlocked and you rush in, walking straight back to her room. She is in the same place you left her an hour ago. Eyes red and puffy, mascara down her cheeks, comforter pulled up to her chest, and she's sitting up against the headboard.

She stares in shock when you walk and she goes to speak, but you talk over her.

You say exactly this:

_Piper Chapman, I am afraid of how much I love you. Because this started out as fun, and then we got in deep, and now I am in so deep that it feels like I'm drowning. I am an emotional train wreck, and I am so sorry that I left you here, it's just that I needed a second to put together what I wanted to tell you so I don't make an ass out of myself. I am so utterly, head over heels, desperately, without a shadow of a doubt in love with you. I didn't expect this, and it scares the hell out of me. When I was gone, I missed you every second. Your laugh, the way our nose scrunches when you smile. How your hair is wild in the morning. How beautiful you look in an oversized t-shirt. Everything. I missed everything. And when I got back, and we fell asleep together. Didn't sleep together, but fell asleep, I was absolutely petrified, because I've never done that. And so I did what I do best, and I ran. Because I'm a coward. But you, Piper, you make me want to be brave. You make me want to be better. You make me want to be a real person and make a commitment. So I am sorry that I am so screwed up, and I hope you forgive me for being such an ass, and that maybe you will consider giving me a chance. Because I know my track record is shit, but I really do love you._

You say these things, tears falling, and you feel like you don't even know who you are right now, but you needed to say all of that. And you look at her, desperate for her to say something.

She looks at you and you watch the tears streaming down you face. And she says yes. She says she loves you. And you walk over to her, puling the comforter off of her and you pull her up into a hug, running your fingers through her blonde hair, and kissing her neck. She leans back and rests her forehead on yours, and you smile up at her. You kiss her, and it's like the first time. It is different than all the other times.

This woman who you thought was just a friends with benefits situation ended up becoming the woman that you are madly in love with. And while you're both messes, you can be messes together. In that moment, all the wrongs, problems, and faults that you both have fade away, and they don't matter. Because you have the woman you love in your arms.

**A/N: Hopefully you enjoyed it. It was kind of a spur of the moment idea, because I happened to catch Friends With Benefits on TV yesterday, and so I figured I'd give it a shot. Let me know what you think, because I love reading all of your reviews and thoughts on each chapter! They are such a huge motivation when writing new chapters, so please keep them coming.**

**Also, thanks to all who have reviewed, favorited, followed this story. It is so amazing, and I can't thank you enough. You are all awesome!**

**If you're a new reader…welcome! Glad to have you.**

**Finally, if there is anything you'd like to see; any one shot ideas, domestic Vauseman prompts that you would like me to look at, please feel free to PM me, or leave a review with your idea. I am open to all suggestions, and will see what I can do about them.**


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